We got to the hospital the day I was 36 weeks pregnant. It was a dark, cool spring morning. We were there right on time at 5:30am. They got us to our room, hooked me up & then the nurse asked me the most horrible thing! She asked me to roll over to my side so she could give me an enema!!! An EN-E-MA!!! I sooooooo did not know that was going to happen & I still have bad memories from that incident in case you can't tell!!! LoL!!
So after that most horrifying moment, they began the drip of pitocin to get things moving along. But they didn't. I labored for 6 hours & only got to 2 cm. my blood pressure started to rise so I gave in to get the epidural to help me relax. Right before the nurse who had been with me was off work & a new nurse came in. I did not like the new nurse! She was rude as rude can be on what should've been the most joyful day of my life. During the epidural it was hard for me to relax. It's scary knowing a big needle is going into your spine! Then they made Brad leave the room & I got stuck with nurse meany-head for comfort! I wish I had known what a doula was back then because I certainly would've had one!
I could not bend over the right way to open up a good place for the needle to go. I was severely large from the weight I gained plus swollen like the marshmallow man from the preeclampsia & toxemia. So nurse poopy pants had to get right on top of my shoulders & push me down. MORTIFIED again. I wanted to cry & just leave.
Finally Brad came back & I tried to relax but it did no good. By 5:30 pm I had only dilated to 3 1/2, my blood pressure was constantly rising & Brady's heart rate was showing signs of distress. A c-section it was.
Now I have watched A Baby Story many many times & whenever they aired an episode of a woman having a c-section, she was covered & awake & all was well.
That's not my story!
First of all they made Brad leave again, loaded my Shamu-sized body onto the table, opened my gown so I was completely naked & exposed (goodbye what little modesty I had left!), then they strapped my arms down like Jesus on the Cross! All I could think was, "They did NOT show this on TLC!!!!"
Finally I was abled to be covered again & Brad was by my side. I was told I would feel tugging & pulling but no pain. That tugging & pulling was THE most awkward feeling I had ever felt! My body just shook from one side to the other, rocking & swaying as they did their thing on the other side of the curtain. Then it happened...
Tingling
Burning
What was this I was feeling?? I wasn't suppose to be feeling anything!!!
Tingling
Burning....uh oh
PAIN!!
I told the nurse I could feel pain, but she didn't believe me! I told Brad & began to panic! The next thing I know I have an oxygen mask on & Brad is being whisked away again!!!!
Darkness!
As my eyes started to flicker open I could make out a blurry version of Brad. He said I would start talking then just stop & stare at him as if I had forgotten who I was. I apparently kept doing this. I was in recovery, but couldn't see Brady yet. I do remember telling Brad MANY times over the next few weeks that I would NEVER do that AGAIN!! NEVER! ;P
They let my dad back to see me, I'm sure because he was going to beat the door down if he couldn't see with his own eyes that I was ok. They eventually let my niece Britany in who said I kept asking her if she was touching me, to which she was not, though I kept demanding that she or someone was. But no...it was just the drugs wearing off.
Once I was more coherent they brought Brady in to nurse. The first time I saw him I was scared I named him the wrong name or that they brought me the wrong baby (still the drugs). He immediately began nursing like a champ & has been a great eater ever since! As I nursed him there was no doubt that he was mine! My precious, sweet Brady. My second chance. Redemption. I melted.
At 36 weeks gestation, Brady was born weighing 8 lbs 15 oz at 6:30 pm March 16, 2005!!! Chubby cheeks, dark black hair, & red-skinned. Brad wasn't sure he was his, said he looked like an Indian baby...the pic above was lightened so its hard to tell, but there's no denying Brad's the daddy ;P
I adore this picture of my amazing dr praying over Brady in the nursery with Brad!!
I'd like to say the story continues to be happy now, but is doesn't...
After laboring all day, being sat on by nurse rudeness, the tugging & pulling during the c-section, the panic attack I had during, my body was completely worn out! During the night another nurse came in & had to press on my belly to make sure my uterus was going back down...let me tell you...this HURT!! By the 3rd time she came in I begged her not to touch me, to please just let me sleep! I pleaded, "Please leave me alone! I hurt everywhere! I'll sign a waiver!" This nurse looked no older than 12 years old, yet she had the determination of a rattle snake & came towards me as I started bawling my eyes out! Thankfully my knight in shining scrubs got between the nurse & I & he told her NO, she had to leave me alone & let me rest! Thankfully we did not see her again, & the rest of the nurses I had were extra gentle & kind!
The next day I was still in a lot of pain & really didn't want many visitors. My iron had dropped & my blood pressure went from too high to too low. That evening I was finally able to shower with a lot of help from Brad. When I tell you my body hurt, Im not exaggerating! I didn't want to breathe I hurt so bad even though I was taking my pain meds.
As I was trying to eat dinner, the first real food in over 24 hours, Brad's mom & brother came to visit as well as some of his co-workers. My hair was still wrapped up in a towel on my head & I did not want to see anyone! Then it happened...
A co-worker wanted to take pictures, but I told her no, I was not up for that. She was welcome to snap some of Brady & Brad, but none of me. She kept persisting that I would want these some day & then raised her camera & took one. It set off another panic attack in me & I couldn't breathe again. My arms & hands stiffened & was frozen in fear. It sounds silly, but I had been through the ringer physically & emotionally, a picture was the last thing I wanted. I was mortified & freaked out, but you know what...every co-worker left! :)
The next day I started feeling a little better & allowed my sister Kim to take a family photo of us.
The story of Brady will continue on another day...oh & all those panic attacks were caused by an infection I had in my heart that we didn't know about at the time.
If you've never given birth I hope my story didnt scare you! It gets better & I ended up having 3 great births after this & plan for more :)
1 comment:
Tears again xx
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