Friday, February 27, 2009

Confession is good for the soul!

I have been opening myself up the last month sharing my testimony/past with some close friends and folks at my church and I cannot even begin to tell you all how freeing it is! I know that God is about to do an amazing work through me soon and it is my UTMOST prayer that I will remain faithful and obedient and not surrender to fear, but only to God!

I met with a friend yesterday who felt led to tell me something that she experienced in her past and how she still struggles with it today. Not always...God has forgiven her and she has worked through it, but sometimes the enemy still brings it back up and because many people don't know she keeps it inside. After our talk I assured her that she could call on me anytime and I would be there.

I also shared with her my own struggles, my past and how God has worked in me and how He continues to work in me...and we had a REALLY good talk. I think it is vital that Christians feel free enough to open up to fellow believers about their struggles/issues they have.

Proverbs 27:17 says " Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."

We Christians have to get passed judging others...even if we say we don't we know we sometimes do...and we have to get passed our own fears and be open about what God is helping us deal with. Being able to confess or talk about our struggles, issues, pasts, etc will help others who are going through the same thing or at least something similar feel better about opening up and get the healing they need from Jesus, the same healing He has given others in the same situations.

Most of my life I have used the excuse that other Christians would not understand where I was coming from and I let that keep my from growing in Christ and finding healing and close Christian relationships. That is a LIE from the pits of hell! Satan uses that to keep us from healing and growing in the Lord and it prevents God from getting HIS glory for saving us and forgiving us and healing us!!!!

It is my hope that I will learn to be more bold about what God has done for me, what He's doing for me, and what He will do with me. :) I hope that I will see the day when ALL Christians will rise and confess their struggles and God is helping them through so that all the world may see how faithful and merciful our God is!

This is me at the beginning of my senior year in high school. At this point in my life I was VERY unhappy, sad, and felt worthless...but I hid it all from everyone I knew. My life stunk and I chose to cope with it using alcohol. Little did I know that my senior year would be the most HORRIBLE year of my life and that my life would go from bad to MUCH worse!!!!!

The pain and hurt I would endure would leave me so lost, so devastated that a week before my graduation I would find myself standing in my kitchen ready to kill myself and end it all. I was so broken and felt I had nothing to live for and continued to make bad decisions and pretend that everything was fine. Luckily for me all this bad is what made me SO incredibly DESPERATE for Jesus! I tried so hard for so many years to run from the pain and keep it a secret...but God is now using it for HIS glory and to help others heal from their own pasts.

In closing let me say there is NOTHING in this world that you could have done that the Holy Blood of Jesus Christ can't heal! And He LOVES you just as you are! Isn't that amazing!?!!!! Don't let Satan keep you trapped like I was for so long! Jesus died for ALL sin! NO ONE is perfect, we ALL need HIM!

"Jesus paid it all! All to Him I owe! Sin had left a crimson stain; HE washed it white as snow!"


Friday, February 20, 2009

Our 1st sleep over!

So Brady has a BEST friend named Gabriel whom he loves very much! Gabriel was able to come and play yesterday and was refusing to go I told his mommy, Ashley, that he could stay the night with us and of course big brother Samuel wanted to stay too. :) They had a lot of fun! This was the 1st time Brady had a sleepover and he thought it was so cool to sleep on the air mattress with his friend :)

They played forever in the playroom and Brady could not understand why Gabriel didnt want to play with his trains anymore :) For those you who dont know...Brady is OBSESSED with trains...not exaggerating!! So when Gabriel decided he wanted to play with something else, Brady was very upset, but quickly got over it when they decided to take a bubble bath. After their bath they sang a lot of songs...mostly Happy Birthday to each other and to Rylan. I'm not sure if Rylan liked it a lot or not, because he kept screaming (in a funny way) when Gabriel sang to him. I think he might have been trying to sing too. HA HA! Brady and Gabriel also like to pretend that Rylan is a monster or a dinosaur that is trying to get them when he crawls's pretty funny :)

Then we made some yummy chocolate chip cookies and Britany and I played Yahtzee with Samuel...dude totally had beginner's luck!!Rylan also enjoyed playing with Samuel and his hat :) Then we all settled down and watched Blues Clues til bedtime. Of course right before bed Gabriel wanted his mommy, but luckily his big brother was there to help him through it. Then this morning Rylan woke up about 3 am so I got up to attend to him, laid him back down about 330 and went off to sleep again. Then about 4 I heard Gabriel whining that he wanted his mommy :( It was so sad. So I got up and went to comfort him and let him sleep with me and Brad. Then about 430 Rylan was crying again (gas) so I got back up and since I was SO tired I thought, "well let's just put him in bed with us too so I can sleep." Yeah, that didnt happen.

So I get to my room and Gabriel had moved over and was so sprawled out I couldnt get into bed and I was too afraid to move him in case he woke up crying. So Rylan and I slept on the air mattress with Brady...needless to say I didnt sleep very well. But I must say we had a lot of fun! I absolutely adore Samuel and Gabriel and we all enjoy when they get a chance to come visit us!

We all got up this morning happy as could be, ate some pancakes and now the kiddos are playing again! I love that Brady has a best bud who I know will grow up to be a good Christian friend to have around! After all...his mom and dad are mine and Brad's best friends too :)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Diary of a mad FAT woman!

Ok now it THAT hard to eat good? Should it REALLY be this HARD????

ALL my adult life I have struggled with my weight...I have tried every "diet", taken laxatives, starved myself, tried throwing name it I have tried it. LUCKILY God got a hold of me on my VERY unhealthy habits...but I cant seem to stick to just simply eating well to save my life!

I weighed this morning to find I havent lost any surprise my eating habits STINK! I've been doing good exercise wise, but the whole eating thing is just beyond me! Last fall I did First Place at church, but I couldnt justify sitting for 2 hours talking about why I was overweight instead of going to an aerobics class that I love and challenges I didnt do it this semester. Maybe those 2 hours would have done me good...who knows!?!

I am about 30 lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant with Rylan and he is now 8 1/2 months! I had a good plan in healthy, exercise and train for a 5k walk/run...needless to say it didnt fully happen. Then in December my goal was to lose 29 lbs by my 29th birthday in April...VERY doable....not doing so well :( I have been working out more, but then I allow myself to eat whatever I want and the scale isnt no surprise...

I just feel exhausted with this whole thing. I had an accountability partner, but she bailed out on me for some lame reasons, and I live with 2 people who can eat whatever they like and still look athletic, fit and healthy....and I gain at least a pound from looking at what they eat! Will this cycle ever end???? Will I ever accomplish my goal?? When I did a calculation of my weight/age/BMI etc..I expected to be overweight, because I know I am...but I am technically classified as OBESE!!!! YES.....ME....OBESE!!!!!!

When I got my Wii Fit and did the little test in the beginnig I didnt know whether to laugh or cry when my Mii character got fat because I am infact FAT! Dont you DARE comment and say a bunch of fake nice stuff...I know as Christians you will want to make me feel all better and tell me happy little I look good or I am not fat...but the scale doesnt lie and the Wii Fit tells you...or shows you just how it REALLY is! I am FAT and I am OBESE :(

SO the verse for my blog, Finishing is better than starting, patience is better than pride...Ecc 7:8 is my mantra for ALL things now. I have started SOOOO many times to get healthy, fit, etc but to no avail to quit/stop because I wasnt being patient with the results or I gave I know with out a doubt this is something I cannot quit! I have to finish and reach my goal of losing about 50 lbs or dropping at least 3-4 dress sizes. Now dont say I dont need to lose 50 lbs...if you knew my weight you wouldnt say anything! According to my nurse and BRad I dont look like I weigh what I weigh...but I do and I cant change it by what I am currently doing.

I will now be adding my journey on the road to a healthier me on my blog...with the intent of being as honest as possible. I do ask for prayer on this because my will-power with food is non-existent. I have battled Satan on so many things, God has seen me through so many battles and wars in my life and this whole food thing has got to be won SOON! I dont want to have to apply for the Biggest Loser one day because I never got conquered it....though a month with Bob and Jillian would do me good :)

I did meet an aerobics instructor last week who was about 250 lbs a lil over a year ago and she looks FABULOUS now....she is my inspiration..we are very much alike when it comes to body image, food control...or lack of...and hopefully next week when I post I will have at least lost 2 lbs. That is my goal for this week....wish me luck...better yet...just pray for me on this!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Rylan's pics

Pictures went GREAT!! Rylan was a ham as always :) Playing, Smilin' Rylan! Here are some of the pics that were made. We didn't get any of Brady by himself because he just recently had pics made at school. ENJOY!

Happy Valentine's Day

Friday, February 13, 2009

An Introduction

For those who dont know me, or dont know me's a little info :)

I am happily married to my soulmate Brad; we've been together since October 1999 and we married April 2004. We come from VERY different backgrounds! His parents are still married, wonderful Christians, a VERY close family...including cousins, aunts, uncles, etc..the whole kit and kaboodle! I on the other hand, come from parents who were each others 2nd marriage. They each had 3 kids from their 1st. Their divorce lasted a LONG started when I was 9 and ended right about the time I was 11. It was VERY painful! Since then my mom has only been with one other man...though they never married, I refer to him as my stepfather and he was an AMAZING man who unfortunately passed away in July 2004. My dad has been married a total of 5 times, 4 divorces. I can say luckily...that he is now a changed the grace of God and is married to a WONDERFUL Christian woman.

Brad and I have 2 beautiful boys! Brady was born March 2005 and Rylan was born May 2008. I think being a mom is about the coolest thing God has allowed me to do! I am THRILLED I get to stay home. I worked the first 3 years of Brady's life and the Lord finally answered my prayer and is allowing me to stay home! WHOO HOO!!!!

We are also raising my 18 year old niece Britany. She has lived with us for the last 2 years and I tell ya it has been a challenge! I love her to death and she is definitely a blessing to us as much as we are to her, but to anyone who has ever raised a teenager knows what I mean when I say it's a challenge! :)

Our family is very involved in our church, Crossgates Baptist. I cannot thank the Lord enough for leading us there! We have grown so much over the last 4 years and God is doing AMAZING things at our church and in the lives of the people there. I cant wait to see what the future holds!!

I have some awesome friends who I cant imagine not having in my life! They are my brothers and sisters in Christ! I truly beolieve that all the difficult and trying times in my life are a BLESSING! I wouldnt be where I am today if it wasnt for them and I wouldnt I have felt the need to cling to God and grow in His Grace!

I am currently on a new journey with the Lord! He has been telling me for years He wanted to use me and my testimony for His glory and to share it with others in order to lead them closer to Him. I have been TERRIFIED of doing this, but I know it's something I HAVE to do. SO if you are a CHristian, please pray for me on this. At some point I hope to share my testimony on this blog, but until my family knows the whole story, I think I'll leave it off for now :)

Well I guess I have rambled on enough for now! I'll save the rest for future blogs!