2012 Year End Review

I'm usually pretty good about doing before the year is over, but with the year 2012 was I'm sure you understand!

January began a very busy year for me! I was able to scratch off the #2 thing on my bucket list by marching in the March for LIFE & sharing my testimony in front of a massive crowd outside the National Supreme Court with the group Silent No More. I've yet to openly talk about that trip, but I'm going back this year so maybe I'll do it then! Some of the highlights were meeting prolife heroes Alveda King, Mike Huckabee, Rebecca Kiessling, Kelly Clinger, Georgette Forney, Julia Holcomb, & Father Frank Pavone.
 

In February I became a certified to lead the post abortive Bible Study Surrendering the Secret & had a great chance to meet the Author Pat Layton & many other post abortive women & men. I was also asked to speak at the Spring Kick-Off of the 40 Days for LIFE Campaign in Jackson. I also began do a lot of press conferences for personhood & prolife groups. It was insanely busy, but God kept opening doors & I made a promise to Him that I would boldly step through any door He opened before me! That my friends is NOT always easy or fun! But each time we choose to follow Him & get out of our comfort zone we grow so much stronger in Him! It's definitely worth it!

March was definitely more restful & I just got to enjoy being wife & momma! My sweet Brady turned 7 & continued to lose more teeth! One random moment in March I was able to meet Newt Gingrich who made a stop in MS while in the running for the Republican bid for President. I must say he was very funny & I think he has good ideas that could help America, though I was personally hoping Santorum would win. I was asked to share my testimony at the ProLife Mississippi Spring banquet. It was quite an honor! I had attend a few times before anyone knew about my abortion & I remember thinking during those times if I would ever be able to open up & share my story. No matter how many times I tell it, it's always hard. I know though God has a purpose each time to show others His redemptive healing, His love, & His mercy. I am nothing more than a willing vessel.

April brought another amazing opportunity my way. I traveled to Dallas with a group of post abortive women to attend the Esther Call hosted by Lou Engle. It was time devoted to prayer & fasting to end abortion. Roe v Wade began in Dallas, TX so the mass of those who were there (mostly post abortive women) prayed in front of the Dallas Courthouse where the first papers were filed to legalize abortion. We prayed for specific groups of people his hard by abortion-African Americans, Hispanics, we prayed for an adoption movement to sweep through the Church, we prayed for an end to sex trafficking & so forth. Plus we worshiped God a lot! It was an incredible time & His presence was so thick! While I was there I met & befriended actress Shari Rigby of October Baby. But the most personal healing part of this trip were these shoes. A group has thousands of baby shoes for post abortive men & women to pick out for the child or children they aborted, something we gave up when we chose to abort. They have you write a note to your child & they travel all across America displaying the shoes to give a visual reminder of how many children have been killed & how many women & men have been hurt by abortion. I cannot even begin to tell you how much picking out those shoes & writing that note meant to me! The tears shed over those tiny shoes gave me so much more healing than I could've ever imagined!

In May we took a much needed break from homeschooling, but it was overshadowed by sharing sick germs! Thankfully we got over it in time to celebrate Rylan's 4th birthday!! This month I wrapped my first session of Surrendering the Secret at my church where I got to witness two more women move into freedom from their past abortions. One of those ladies is now helping to lead the class! I'm telling you God never ceases to amaze me with His power to heal! 

In June My family participated in the first annual Walk 4 LIFE in Jackson. It means SO much to me to have a husband that supports me & stands with me! Being open about abortion & fighting it is hard emotionally, spiritually, & mentally! My precious husband is always by my side, has my back & defends my honor when people say ugly things about me. He's a prince! And I must mention that having my sweet blessings with me thrills my heart! They are definitely warriors in training!

July was pretty rough starting out. That day at the abortion clinic will go down as one of the hardest spiritual battles I've EVER fought. You'll have to go back & read about it! This month was also a time of joy when my niece Britany got engaged. I wish her & her future hubby tons of happiness! The boys & I got right back into homeschooling because let's face it, the heat in MS is unbearable! We didn't want to be outside! So back to school we went!

August brought a lot of fun & more spiritual growth! I was able to get away with a big group of ladies from my church & spend the weekend in Knoxville, TN & attend a Beth Moore conference! I would LOVE to sit & just learn from that lady! She is very wise & studies the Bible with incredible passion & diligence! The conference was amazing, but on the ride home the Lord showed out! I can't even begin to described what happened, but to anyone who thinks the gifts of the Spirit no longer exist are completely missing out! The following weekend my dear Mr & I attended Kirk Cameron's A Love Worth Fighting For. I HIGHLY recommend this for EVERY married couple!

We took a time out in September & went on vacation in Gulf Shores, AL. It was so nice to get away & just enjoy being with our little family. Some friends went along with us & while we were in AL we were able to visit some old friends as well & sight see & simply just take our time & slow down! Which I didn't realize how much I even needed at that point! By October I was fighting a spiritual battle that I didn't even notice at the time. I had become so overwhelmed with anxiety about the future, should I continue in the prolife/personhood battle, should I just step back from all ministry for a while, I tell you I was overwhelmed and greatly burdened. But the Lord reminded me that even though He has called me into this ministry the burden of it was never suppose to overwhelm me, because His burdened is light. I had picked up more than my share & I had to lay it down at His feet. 

By the end of the month we got a lil surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test! A year ago when Brad & I were praying about having more kids, God clearly told us October 2012. But because of so many things going on that month we didn't even try. In fact, Brad was very sick during my fertile days so there was no sharing of love if you catch my drift :) After visiting a friend who convinced to just take a test to see, after God said October, I took one. Though my point in taking it was to prove I wasn't pregnant, but low & behold I was! What a way to end that month!!!

November needless to say started out great! We celebrated Keller's 2nd birthday though very few knew at the time I was endanger of miscarrying. I had began bleeding & the baby's heartbeat was very low. Thankfully the Lord has given me some amazing friends who were praying hard us & we all believed everything would be fine because...GOD SAID OCTOBER! And of course all was well! Baby's heart rate went up & morning sickness hit right before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately hypermemsis rared it's ugly head & was horribly sick for a long time. If it wasn't for my amazing kids, a fabulous husband & incredible friends I would have gone insane! After much prayer the Lord answered once again & it got much better & was able to fully enjoy Christmas & we even made a trip to TX to visit family. 2012 was a roller coaster, fast, powerful, full of loops, twists & turns, but by the end I was right where God wanted me & I can't wait to see what all 2013 brings!

My Esther Moment

"...And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14b

One year ago I had an enormously defining moment in my life. October 31, 2011 started out like any other day...I got up I fed my kids, we did our homeschool, I prepared things for a get-together we had that night, all was pretty normal. Around noon I received a phone call from the Yes on 26 Personhood Campaign asking if I could come to a press conference at the state Capitol. I would not be speaking, but they wanted me there for possible interviews afterward.

Only when I hung up the phone God told me I would be speaking...& the butterflies began to swirl!

You see, it had only been about four days since I had completely opened up to all my family about my rape & past abortion. For years I kept that a tight closed secret from them and many others, but in the summer of 2009 through a post-abortive Bible study called Surrendering the Secret, the Lord COMPLETELY healed me of the shame, guilt, fear, & worthlessness I carried because of my abortion. He had told me way back in my darkest of times when all I wanted to do was give up & even attempted suicide, that He was going to use me & my story all over. It would be His & He would use it to help others. I never understood what God was telling me until last year.

Last fall the buzz was thick all around Mississippi about the upcoming Personhood Amendment on the ballot. I knew I needed to come out with my story, but because my family & my husband's family didn't know about my rape & abortion I was scared. My church already knew because I had been able to share my testimony a couple times, but having it out in the open was still nerve racking. I felt no shame, but I knew our families might, they could be angry, & completely shut me out. My mom was the only family who knew at the time, I had opened up to her about 2 years after I did it, but she begged me never to tell anyone, that it would just hurt others to know. So I carried it with me for 13 years only sharing with specific people.

However, on Thursday, October 27, 2011 the Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to me to let it all go & write it on my blog. As soon as I was done I sat down feeling free, amazed at how just typing it for whomever to read lifted a burden off of me & I couldn't stop smiling. Then as I was relishing it all I saw a commercial by those opposed to personhood with a woman talking about how we should vote NO because she was raped & alluded that she conceived & abortion was the best thing for her. I could hear Satan laughing at me, mocking me. So I looked up the number & called the YES on 26 Campaign & told them I would speak out & share my story too. Turns out that lady NEVER conceived by rape & NEVER had an abortion! ALL lies to deceive people into voting NO.

The next day I was interviewed by local news & my husband & I shared the truth with our families. I think hearing my dad's heartbreak was the absolute hardest. But he needed to know the truth like everyone else. I was raped, I conceived, & I had an abortion & DEEPLY regretted it! Rape is NO excuse for abortion! People everywhere use the exceptions clause to justify abortion & it made me want to puke every time I heard it because none of them seemed to understand that the abortion left me more scarred than the rape.

So on Monday, October 31, I got to the Capitol, the press conference went great with all of the speakers, then the media & crowd was able to ask questions. They were hounding hard & a precious retired OBGYN that used to perform abortions before coming to Christ got up to answer some medical questions. Then an angry mob of people screamed out, "What about cases of rape? Shouldn't a woman be able to have an abortion if she has been raped?"

Dr. McMillan was trying her best to answer this question, but not having gone through it she was struggling. I was standing to the side jerking wanting so bad to go up there, but completely terrified at the same time, when very clearly like a peaceful thunder I heard God say, "MOVE!"

And this is what happened.

I'm still in awe of what the Lord did that day! What all He's done & allowed me to do this last year. Personhood is far from over, just as God Almighty is far from over in working in me! Praise His Holy Name!!

My thoughts on Akin

Many people know I have been raped & conceived  a child because of it & had that child aborted. Representative Todd Akin recently tried to speak out about his thoughts on abortion & when talking about abortion & rape he used the term "legitimate rape." Everyone is in an uproar over it. Yes his comment was dumb, he has been mislead, all rape is legitimate, that's what separates it from consenting sex. He tried to use a study that says women in rape can keep themselves from getting pregnant, but let's face it, no woman wants to get pregnant from rape.

So what are my thoughts?

He was wrong. He apologized. Let's all learn a big lesson & move on. Forgiveness.

With it being an election year there is so much more we should focus on, like having the most pro-abortion president voted out of office. Let's keep focus on November!

Here are some links to some of my testimonies & why rape should never be an excuse for abortion!!

Much love & many blessings,

Ash

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=1469894

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1zzmfWYHPQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Beth Moore

I just returned from my first LIVE Beth Moore conference & it was amazing! The Lord definitely spoke through her to me & many others. She is a gifted teacher! I just finished researching her using the ever popular Google LoL! Now, I will share that there are some who criticize her for various reasons, some seem credible, but the sources seem to be out looking for something to criticize or be negative about. So be warned when reading such things. And always use the Bible & the Holy Spirit to help you discern & remember no one is perfect.

I will say this weekend was nothing less than fabulous! Her theme was being CREDIBLE & she was! Her focus came from 2 Corinthians 6 & 7. I'm not going to go through everything she talked about, but rather fill you in on what stood out to me.

1) Her life & family. Beth shared that she was molested as a young child & it continued for many years, but the Lord has healed her & has helped her to forgive. She also talked about how her husband isn't a big fan church, but he is a believer. I found this very interesting & refreshing. Here is this lady who has a great gift from the Lord, studies Scripture, hungers for more of God, all the while having a husband who is apparently not the Spiritual leader of their home. Yet you can see she is still submissive to him, honors him, & loves him very much. Too many times I've seen women, even myself, be overly critical of their husbands not being more Spiritual. What I learned from what Beth shared is that no matter the difference in our Spiritual maturity with our husbands, we must still obey the Lord & follow through with what His Word calls us to be as wives. Nagging our husbands will never draw them to God & will only hinder our relationship with them.

2) Fellowship is greater than friendship & kinship. If you've read some of my blogs over the last few years you know I have struggled with friendships. I think the word friend has been turned into something its not, but that's a whole other blog :). In fellowship we are in a deep relationship with others. We hurt together, we laugh together, we love together, we LIVE together. It's an ongoing process to be intertwined in the lives of others & to truly love them. Friends come & go, but when you are in fellowship with others, its life your living together, the ups & downs, the good & bad, the easy & the hard! Fellowship is vital! We must die together (to this world) & live together (in Christ).

3) We have to die to ourselves & love others & many times it hurts. It feels like we are truly being killed. But God called us to love, even the unlovable. One of her points was "Interlocking lives is either double strength, or double trouble." We do have to set boundaries with people at times & even have to flee from some relationships. That doesn't mean though we stop loving them or praying for them. Also, within this point she made the comment that being a carnal Christian really cuts our credibility as a believer. People should be able to tell we are credible by how we live our lives.

4) Another point was "Bondage at its deadly best is trading repentance for regret."  Regretting the things we've done only keeps us in bondage to the past & our sins. Repenting & turning away from them sets us FREE!

5)Having credibility is earned! We can't have it through someone else, can't inherit it or marry it! The Gospel can't be spread if we don't have cred! We can say what we believe, but its believability comes through how we our everyday lives. It comes the hard way through hard work, in good times & in bad. We must have endurance!

6) The Climax: Everything is NOTHING without Jesus! 2 Corinthians 6:8-10 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.


NEXT WEEK: Sarah

Eve

Oh Eve...she gets a bad rap! So many times I have heard women say, "When I get to Heaven I'm going to have to tell Eve off!" Or something to that liking. I have to be honest, I feel sorry for Eve. She was the FIRST woman, EVER! That's a lot of pressure! Eve's story unfolds in Genesis 1:26-31 & Genesis 2-4. She was the 1st wife & mother. No one to turn to for expertise. What Eve did have was an up close & personal relationship with God. Can you imagine walking in Eden with the great I AM!?!

Let's remember, Eve did not sin out of rebellion to God, but through deception because she wanted to be closer to God. The serpent, Satan, deceived her using exactly what he knew would make her fall. He still does the same thing to all of us. Have you ever thought about why Satan chose Eve to deceive over Adam? I heard Donna Gaines point out that God didn't tell Eve not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil, He told Adam. It was Adam's job as husband & leader to tell Eve & protect her. Eve's knowledge of this rule was 2nd hand, therefore it was easier to doubt.

What lesson can we learn from this? Read God's Word for yourself! Study it, devour it, apply it, always stay hungry for it! There are many great pastors & teachers out there that are very wise & knowledgeable, but they can't replace your one on one time in God's Word letting the Holy Spirit speak His truth into you. As great as pastors & teachers are, they are human & subject to fault & our main source of God's Word can't be second hand knowledge, it has to be first hand straight from the Word.

Through this fall she was cursed with childbirth pains. (And every woman flinches LoL). Not only that, her firstborn son killed her second son. I'm sure Eve felt a ton of mommy guilt! "If I hadn't listened to that serpent, if I had been a better mother..." You know what I'm talking about, we all do it. Blame ourselves for anything & everything, but that in itself is not of God! God did bless Eve with another son, Seth, & someday a Savior would be born to save us all from our sins.

And we can't forget that as the 1st woman, God made her in His own image. He designed our bodies, our minds, & our hearts to reflect His goodness, love, & mercy to others. He gave us His strength & imparts His wisdom to us as we seek Him. No matter how far or how often we fall, He is always there to help us back up & to shower us with His grace.

The next time you start beating yourself up about who you are & what you look like, stop & confess it to God, remember He made you just the way you are & He desires to mold you into who He wants you to be. It's time to surrender yourself to the Lord & let Him make you into the person He designed you to be to fulfill your purpose in His Kingdom plan!!

Many blessings to you all! Next week: Beth Moore!

Wednesday's Woman

I'm beginning a blogging series where I will research various women each week. Most will be women from the Bible, but I will also highlight others that have had an impact on our world, whether good or bad. I've been praying about this for months & have studied many Biblical women, but I want to share the things that God has revealed to me with all of you.

I used to have a GREAT fear of women. I'm not even kidding! Girls were VERY mean to me in school, I was bullied, called names, had false rumors spread about me, & I never took up for myself. I was a big pushover! Hard to believe now :) Nonetheless, over the last 5 years, God has especially been working on this fear & instead of being afraid of women, I long for that companionship with them.

The Lord has blessed me with some amazing women in my life! I couldn't do all I do know without these women behind me cheering me on, praying for me, supporting me, joining me, & just simply being a friend to me. God has also revealed a lot about myself through women in the Bible. I yearn to know these ladies more! Their struggles, fears, strengths, & how God used them for His Kingdom.

I hope you join me each Wednesday as I take this journey. Please feel free to comment with your thoughts, what God has shown you about these women, & link your own blog as well if you like!

Next week we will begin with who else, but the 1st woman to grace the earth: EVE!

Unspeakable Joy, Everlasting Peace-my day at the abortion clinic

I could not have fathomed how Monday July 2 was going to go for me. A few months earlier Mississippi passed a law requiring any doctor performing abortions at the only clinic left in our state had to be a board-certified, licensed OB-GYN & have admitting privileges at a local hospital. The two doctors that had been performing abortions are from Alabama, at a clinic owned by the same lady, Diane Derzis, who owns the Jackson clinic. It had just recently been closed because these two doctors had botched so many abortions & hurt a lot of women. They do not have the proper credentials.

Sunday, July 1, a federal judge ruled that the Jackson clinic could remain open until their appeal was heard in court. Upset, hurt, angry; none of those feelings truly encompassed how I felt when I got that news after coming home from church that night. I was shocked in a sense, but not really surprised. I know our judicial system is in disarray, but I was really hoping this law would sustain. That night I got a message from a pro-life friend asking me if I could go to the clinic early Monday morning because they assumed a lot of media would be there to cover the story & they hoped maybe they would hear my personal testimony. 

I honestly didn't want to go. I wanted to take my kiddos to the pool & have a relaxing day, but God totally had other plans!

When I first arrived I greeted the other pro-lifers that were there already praying & reading Scripture. They showed me that CNN was across the street & had just finished interviewing the clinic owner & that I should go over there to talk to them. After praying I felt God nudge me to go. The CNN crew consisted of 3 men, a producer, a reporter, & a cameraman. They took my name & number & listened to a bit of my testimony & then in a VERY patronizing way told me they'd have to do a back ground check first. I was puzzled. See, I was a journalism major & I know that anytime you think you have someone who would make a good story you always film them, get your info & do the check later. God told me it wasn't going to happen & I was a little hurt as to why He had me go over there knowing they wouldn't dare talk to me.

I told the men I understood what they were doing. They only came for the story they wanted to show. They really didn't want the truth about abortion. "You'll talk to the owner," I told them, "& you'll show footage of the 'crazy' older white pro-life man with his graphic signs, but you wouldn't dare air the testimony of a woman who's actually had an abortion & has spent the last 14 years regretting it."

The producer tried to patronize me again, but I bluntly told him of my degree & I knew exactly what he was doing & I wasn't mad at him, I understood the game. I just wanted him to know I wasn't some idiot & that if he ever wanted the truth instead of a slant that he could call me. As I was talking a lady who works in the building across from the clinic was turning into her parking lot, rolled down her window & began to SCREAM at me for being on her property talking to them. She & her business HATE the sidewalk counselors who come each day to the clinic to pray & try & talk to the girls going in & out of the clinic. They also often turn on a sprinkler to soak the side-walk counselors...sad isn't it. That's a lot of hate! After the lady screamed at me the producer looked horrified, I told him to make sure he paid attention to which side was truly filled with hate.

I crossed the street back to the sidewalk in front of the clinic & grabbed a sign someone else had brought. The truth is WOMEN DO REGRET ABORTION! I stood in front of the gate, no one ever goes in this way, trying to grasp all that just happened. Why did they hate us so much? Why did God tell me to go over there for that? As I was contemplating all that had just happened, a worker from the clinic opened the gate, bumped me out of the way to hang up the yellow sign you see in the picture. She looked at my sign, rolled her eyes & laughed. I told her women do regret abortion, I should know, because I regret mine. She then laughed again & called me a hypocrite. "That's right, you're nothing but a two-faced hypocrite! You got your abortion & now you don't want anyone else to get theirs!" I tried to talk to her, but she was screaming so loud I couldn't get a word in, then she slammed the gate door & went inside. 

Hypocrite. Hypocrite! I was NOT a hypocrite! At that point I lost it. I had a good break down. I'm talking gut-wrenching, heart-felt, pain-filled cry. I couldn't have stopped if I tried. Before I knew it I was crying to God. My soul was bearing words. How in the world could she call me a hypocrite when all I was trying to do was share the truth of what abortion does to women. All I want to do is stop women from making the worst choice they could ever make! HYPOCRITE!!! I was broken. I closed my eyes & remembered Jesus hanging on the Cross asking God to forgive His persecutors, for they truly did not know what they were doing. So I did the same thing. Then Tenth Avenue North's new song Losing began to play in my head, "Father give me the grace to forgive them, because I feel like the one losing!"

 

 That was definitely a God-moment for me. A precious part of my journey that I will cherish forever. Because that moment I was undone & even though it doesn't come close to what Christ went through, I understood on a whole other level like never before. I thank Him for sending me into that fiery furnace because in the midst of the fire, I felt so close to Christ, for He was with me the WHOLE time!

I decided to take a break because I was emotionally worn down & the heat was UNBEARABLE! Luckily my sweet husband worked to blocks down so I was able to go get comfort from him & cool off for a bit. When I walked back to the clinic there was a lot more pro-lifers there. They were gathered in front of the gate where I had once stood & were praying, reading passages from the Bible & singing hymns. It was a beautiful sight to see these warriors in action. Peaceful, full of love & determination for the Lord. I decided not to interrupt them so I stood with my sign on the corner so the traffic passing by could see my sign & my face. 

All of sudden I heard a lady yelling at me telling me I had to move, I was on their property. I KINDLY told her I was not trespassing, that where the sidewalk is painted white & says "PRIVATE" is their property & where I was standing was public property. She then got in my face, & I mean all up in my face, screaming waving her finger, but I didn't move. I knew my rights & I was not about to be intimidated or bullied. So I stood. By this time the media came out of the clinic from interviewing the owner, & I mean a lot of media, not CNN, but many of our local stations & papers, the Associated Press (who took all the pictures you see on this blog) & the New York Times. They all began to pull out their cameras to capture what was happening. Now I know my face looks fierce in this picture, but I assure I was a lot more calm :). She threatened to call the cops & I told her to go ahead.

Then some of the precious sidewalk counselors came to my defense & the lady continued to scream at them, calling them all sorts of names. At one point she got too close too close to Mr. Ron (red shirt) for my liking so I stepped back in & told them we are here for Jesus & His love & we won't get into a yelling match, that she could call the cops if she felt the need, but I would not be moved! I felt the serene peace of God Almighty wash over me. I knew that no matter what happened, I would stand for Him & if that meant going to jail I was ok with that. After all, it didn't stop Paul!

She went back inside to call the cops, things calmed down for a bit, & I heard someone calling my name. It was my sweet sister in Christ Melissa! She & I went through our post-abortion Bible study, Surrendering The Secret, together. As we walked toward each other we both began to cry & we just embraced & held each other while we continued to cry & pray. This is what abortion does to women. It's an unending pain that never leaves. Jesus has most definitely healed us, but we will always hurt & long for our children that we aborted. We know what this clinic & others like it do to women. They just help you end a pregnancy, they help you kill your child, forever wounding you, & leaving you to deal with it. This is why I do what I do. To give God the glory for redeeming me, to show His love, to warn others of what this "choice" will do to you later, to save the unborn, & to help those who've already made the "choice." God told me years ago He was going to use me in this fight & I am a willing vessel.

Shortly after, three cop cars pulled around the clinic, two drove off while one stayed & pulled up to talk to us. He was very kind. The workers came back out screaming & acted crazy. The officer told her she needed to calm down. She told him we were trespassing, but I showed him the line & the part that said 

private. He said I was fine, to be sure we stayed on the public side, told the abortion workers to go back inside. He left, they went back inside, & we continued to pray & sing. So the abortion workers brought a radio outside & started to BLAST their music to drown us out. They also continued to come in & out of the gate to push past us, bump us out of the way & make rude comments, but it didn't deter us.

As the day went on many of the sidewalk counselors had to leave, but I stayed til God gave me the peace to go. The president of Pro-Life MS, Dayna, stayed as well. She looked at me at one point & said, "You're glowing! You're smiling SO big!" I hadn't even noticed, but she was right, I couldn't stop smiling!!! I had fought a battle that day & even though the clinic got to stay open, even though they yelled at us & were just downright rude & hateful, I feel like God won! He did a lot in me that day! My pastor had just preached a sermon the night before about Peter. How before Christ died he continued to say he would NEVER deny Christ even if it meant death, but then just as Christ said, Peter denied Jesus three times. But after His resurrection Peter changed. He became more bold in his walk, in the power of the Holy Spirit he had in him, even through persecution, Peter never stopped preaching Jesus's Truth, even to his death Peter remained faithful. I learned this day I had an unspeakable joy, an everlasting peace that no one could EVER take away from me. I learned this day firsthand that no matter what, as long as I'm preaching Jesus & doing as God leads me I have nothing to fear. 

I am prepared to fight this battle & any battle God's puts before me until I die, even if it costs me my life. I have an amazing supportive husband & the best prayer warriors I know! I could feel their prayers so thick around me this day, I could see the angels encamped around me. And so I smiled & apparently I glowed.