Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Diary of a mad FAT woman!

Ok now really...is it THAT hard to eat good? Should it REALLY be this HARD????

ALL my adult life I have struggled with my weight...I have tried every "diet", taken laxatives, starved myself, tried throwing up....you name it I have tried it. LUCKILY God got a hold of me on my VERY unhealthy habits...but I cant seem to stick to just simply eating well to save my life!

I weighed this morning to find I havent lost any weight...no surprise my eating habits STINK! I've been doing good exercise wise, but the whole eating thing is just beyond me! Last fall I did First Place at church, but I couldnt justify sitting for 2 hours talking about why I was overweight instead of going to an aerobics class that I love and challenges me...so I didnt do it this semester. Maybe those 2 hours would have done me good...who knows!?!

I am about 30 lbs heavier than I was when I got pregnant with Rylan and he is now 8 1/2 months! I had a good plan in place...eat healthy, exercise and train for a 5k walk/run...needless to say it didnt fully happen. Then in December my goal was to lose 29 lbs by my 29th birthday in April...VERY doable....not doing so well :( I have been working out more, but then I allow myself to eat whatever I want and the scale isnt budging...to no surprise...

I just feel exhausted with this whole thing. I had an accountability partner, but she bailed out on me for some lame reasons, and I live with 2 people who can eat whatever they like and still look athletic, fit and healthy....and I gain at least a pound from looking at what they eat! Will this cycle ever end???? Will I ever accomplish my goal?? When I did a calculation of my weight/age/BMI etc..I expected to be overweight, because I know I am...but I am technically classified as OBESE!!!! YES.....ME....OBESE!!!!!!

When I got my Wii Fit and did the little test in the beginnig I didnt know whether to laugh or cry when my Mii character got fat because I am infact FAT! Dont you DARE comment and say a bunch of fake nice stuff...I know as Christians you will want to make me feel all better and tell me happy little things..like I look good or I am not fat...but the scale doesnt lie and the Wii Fit tells you...or shows you just how it REALLY is! I am FAT and I am OBESE :(

SO the verse for my blog, Finishing is better than starting, patience is better than pride...Ecc 7:8 is my mantra for ALL things now. I have started SOOOO many times to get healthy, fit, etc but to no avail to quit/stop because I wasnt being patient with the results or I gave in...so I know with out a doubt this is something I cannot quit! I have to finish and reach my goal of losing about 50 lbs or dropping at least 3-4 dress sizes. Now dont say I dont need to lose 50 lbs...if you knew my weight you wouldnt say anything! According to my nurse and BRad I dont look like I weigh what I weigh...but I do and I cant change it by what I am currently doing.

I will now be adding my journey on the road to a healthier me on my blog...with the intent of being as honest as possible. I do ask for prayer on this because my will-power with food is non-existent. I have battled Satan on so many things, God has seen me through so many battles and wars in my life and this whole food thing has got to be won SOON! I dont want to have to apply for the Biggest Loser one day because I never got conquered it....though a month with Bob and Jillian would do me good :)

I did meet an aerobics instructor last week who was about 250 lbs a lil over a year ago and she looks FABULOUS now....she is my inspiration..we are very much alike when it comes to body image, food control...or lack of...and hopefully next week when I post I will have at least lost 2 lbs. That is my goal for this week....wish me luck...better yet...just pray for me on this!

5 comments:

D said...

i'm not saying anything fake or nice because i am a christian (although i'm thinking it). i love you though. and i want you to like you, so i'm praying!!

Mrs. Best said...

I feel your pain girl!

Brandi said...

Girl, I am so there with you. I very much feel the same way about myself. I am doing 1st Place this semester and each week is different. I go up some and I lose some. It is SO hard. I always heard that after the second child it gets harder and harder to lose the weight and I SO agree. However, there are some people that have 3+ kids that still look like they haven't had any! NOT FAIR!! Just know you are not alone in this.

Ashley said...

Oh, Ashley! I am also classified as obese! I hate seeing that because I was tiny my whole life until the second child. I was really trying to lose weight and then I got pregnant. I am starting out 30-40 lbs heavier this time and I have to get serious after this baby is born. I am only supposed to gain 15 lbs this time around and I don't see that happening. So, I am with you in this battle. I will keep praying for you to overcome this. We WILL overcome!!!

Tate Family said...

I think you just dissected my brain and put my thoughts on paper...almost every single sentence was true for me, too!! :( This is such a spiritual battle...one that I have not won yet. I have a LOT of work to do in this area. With plenty of God's grace, we will OVERCOME!!