As I mentioned in my last post I've tried MANY diets! With each of those diets you're told to eat less. So I'd make a grocery run to get "healthy" foods, you know, low calorie, sugar free, low fat processed stuff similar to the indulgent stuff I liked, but "healthy."
If you could see my face you would've seen me roll my eyes while I typed that last sentence!!!
As I would eat those items along with fresh produce & lean meats, I was still trying my best to stay at my calorie goal or under. I often would get so frustrated because I was near my calorie budget & I would still be HUNGRY!!! I would get so frustrated & let down & eventually fell off the diet bandwagon! I like to eat! Forget that; I LOVE to eat!!! (Obviously)
So now that I've started the 24 Day Challenge I'm required to eat clean. Nothing processed, no sugar, no dairy. The only processed things I eat/drink are protein shakes & Advocare's meal replacement shake, Spark, & Rehydrate. Everything else is lean meat or eggs, lots of veggies, lots of fruits, super carbs like steel cut oats, natural organic oatmeal etc. Now that I'm logging my calories my mind is boggled! I'm eating TONS & TONS of food & yet I'm ALWAYS under my calorie goal. ALWAYS! Some days even though I'm full I'll drink an extra protein shake with almond milk just get MORE calories!
Pure craziness I tell ya!! CRAY to the CRAY!!! I've NEVER tried to eat MORE calories!!!
The last few days I was a little panicked because I'm breast feeding & was worried my supply would drop, but it's been perfectly fine! Praise Jesus!!! To add more calories I started adding flax seeds to my oatmeal/steel cut oats & on top of my salads. Flax seeds are super good for you too so that's just an added bonus!
Today is day 6 of the challenge & so far my cravings have been minimal! I think because I'm constantly eating & feeding my body good things! I haven't had coffee since its not recommended, & if you don't know me, we'll let me tell ya, that right there proves Spark is the bomb dot com!!! I'm a self proclaimed coffee addict! Everyone has been posting their pics of their 1st Pumpkin Spiced Latte of the year & I have been jealous! I don't crave coffee, but I definitely miss drinking it! I haven't had any headaches & have had enough energy to keep up with my four beautiful kiddos & work out! Yes! I said AND work out! Since starting the challenge I've worked out 5 of the 6 days & have ran 3 of the #30milesinSept & will add another this evening!
I feel great physically, but mentally my body & food issues are still waging a war! I keep expecting to see this tremendous weight loss on the scale, but I have to remind myself it's only been less than a week! My goal is at the end, not in the beginning! Which brings me to one of my life verses: Ecclesiates 7:8 FINISHING is better than starting; patience is better than pride!
To help me fight the mental & spiritual side I've been reading a devotional from the YouVersion bible app called Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. The Lord has definitely spoken to me through it! When I struggle running I begin quoting Scriptures aloud & sometimes while I'm gasping for air just huffing & puffing out "JESUS!" Without Him none of this would matter!
After I complete the Cleanse phase of the Challenge I may post my results so far. That will all depend on what The Lord says when I get there :)
If you have My Fitness Pal feel free to add me! MommaAsh
I pray you all have a blessed weekend!
Friday, September 6, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
Food Issues, Advocare, September Goals
For as long as I can remember I've had issues with food & my body. It's a battle I've fought on and off for the majority of my life. I've done every fad diet I can think of! Weight Watchers, Plexus Slim, Nutrisystem, Visalus; I've gone to extremes of starving myself to taking laxatives. I've signed up for First Place For Health at my church a few times, but my issue isn't knowing how or what to do, it's doing it & dealing with the spiritual, emotional, & mental issues I have with food & within myself.
Food is a drug for me. I'm a total over-eater, binging to the point of throwing up because my body could not physically hold the food I ingested. I didn't even have to try to make myself vomit, my body did it on its own because that's how much I'd binge. A sick cycle of yo-yo dieting, emotional eating, failure to be active, & failure to deal with the root of my issues.
During a First Place bible study I became aware for the first time that these issues were very much a spiritual battle, but I didn't know how to deal with them that way. Thankfully a few years ago a fabulous lady at my church taught me about spiritual warfare.The Lord had already healed of my abortion & the things I carried because of it, so I knew He could do the same with this. But here's the kicker, I expected Him to do it without much effort from me. Galatians 4 lists the fruits of the spirit, the last one being self-control, the hardest one (aside from patience) for me to do. My issues with food were never going to be healed if I didn't practice self-control.
Now I've dealt with weight loss/health stuff for so long I can tell anyone what they should do to succeed. It's never been a lack of knowledge for me, but rather doing it. 1 Corinthians 6:19 gives me my greatest reason for dealing with it, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Can you imagine walking into Solomon's temple in the Old Testament full of gold, completely lavished with the best things, rich & succulent! Yet on this side of the Cross, God doesn't dwell in one spot, He lives in us! I have NO business treating His temple so poorly! 1 Corinthians 6:19 & 20 also says that my body is not my own, I've been bought with a high price. Jesus gave His life for each of us. As a believer I fully understand the links He went to for me. Scripture also teaches us that we honor God with our bodies. Not just by keeping ourselves sexually pure, but in all ways. Our temples should be as radiant as Solomon's.
About 6 months ago I was seeking The Lord on these particular issues searching for the root of my issues. He showed me I used food as a drug to deal with emotional issues. As a child my parents owned a restaurant so anything I wanted to eat I could have. My parents had a horrible relationship & I would use food to help me cope. Once they divorced I lived with my mom & we became very poor. The food we had was completely unhealthy, but there were seasons I wasn't sure how much food we would actually have so when it was in abundance I ate & ate. My family on both sides also deals with a generational sin of addiction. While some family struggled with alcoholism, drugs, & gambling, myself & others were addicted to food. It's our drug of choice. It's hard for most people to understand this because we have to have food to survive. In their minds you just stop eating, but it isn't that easy. We crave food to fill a void, to get a "high" in the same manner a crack addict craves crack.
After The Lord revealed my root issues I began seeking Him on how to deal with them in a healthy way. The diet programs I've tried before aren't bad, but they didn't help me they way I needed. For over 10 years my husband & I have taken vitamins from Advocare. I even tried some products way back when to lose weight. But like all the other "diets" I was relying on the products to magically make me skinny. I wasn't all concerned about being healthy or having to do any real work. The Lord led me to a blog by a precious Christian woman named Danielle. It is FULL of great advice on healthy living & how Advocare products help aid in that. Reading many of her posts felt like the clouds parted & light shone down from heaven & angels started singing!
At this time I was 6 months pregnant & exchanged my prenatal for vitamins from Advocare (Coreplex with Iron & Omegaplex). Slowly I began changing my eating habits, walking when I could, learning about other products & continuing seeking God. I am now 2 months post pardom & have seriously made efforts to be healthy, not skinny! After I had my sweet girl I would walk as often as I could, which was pretty slow since I had my FOURTH c-section! But it was movement! I began drinking protein shakes with almond milk to get healthy calories added that I needed for breast feeding. Once my 6 week check up came & my doctor gave me thumbs up to really exercise I decided I wasn't going to use any excuses to get healthy! One of my greatest motivations is my daughter Chapel. I don't want her to grow up watching me struggle with this battle & then having these same issues that I passed down! I've got to do this for both of us!
Since that check up I've added Spark, Catalyst, Probiotic Restore Ultra, Rehydrate, & Calcium Plus to the Advocare products I take. I feel so much healthier! I haven't had a carbonated drink in over a month! I naturally crave water & crave healthier food options! Now I won't lie, there are moments when I will still crave junk, either I'll allow myself some (moderation!) or I'll pray & ask Jesus to remove it or help me fight the urge.
I'm as busy as ever! A husband, 4 kids ranging from 2 months to 8 years, homeschooling, etc...my time is shot! I REFUSE to continue to use time as an excuse to not workout. Even if its just walking with my family while the big boys ride their bikes it's still MOVING! My husband is very encouraging & supportive in helping me make time to go to the gym! I couldn't do this without him! Since August 14 at my doctor's appointment I've lost 5 lbs & 10 inches! In only 2 1/2 weeks!!! Not only that but I ran (jogged, I'm slow) my 1st MILE in about 2 YEARS!!! Did I mention I just had a baby 2 MONTHS ago!???!! It may have been a slow mile, but it was still a mile! I was completely calling on Jesus & quoting Scripture during it!
Today I'm beginning the Advocare 24 Day Challenge for Breast Feeding Moms. My other healthy goal for September is to run 30 miles this month. I'll be updating through Instagram (MommaAsh, #24daychallenge #Challenge4BFmoms or #30milesinSept ) I hope I'll be able to keep blogging as well (but you know I'm busy busy!).
If you have any questions about Advocare please feel free to email me at ashleysigrest @ hotmail dotcom. I'd be happy to help you!! Listed below are some other blogs that have helped motivate & encourage me with my Advocare journey...check them out!!
http://hellostripes.blogspot.com/2013/01/before-afterkinda.html?m=1
Nikki has helped me tremendously by answering so many questions I've emailed her!
http://advocarerunner.blogspot.com/2013/06/before-and-after-jennifers-success.html?m=1
http://fitandfabulousmomsllc.blogspot.com/2012/06/24-day-challenge-and-nursing.html?m=1
http://www.journeyofparenthood.com/2012/08/losing-baby-weight-advocare.html#.Ug7k0cu9KK0
Food is a drug for me. I'm a total over-eater, binging to the point of throwing up because my body could not physically hold the food I ingested. I didn't even have to try to make myself vomit, my body did it on its own because that's how much I'd binge. A sick cycle of yo-yo dieting, emotional eating, failure to be active, & failure to deal with the root of my issues.
During a First Place bible study I became aware for the first time that these issues were very much a spiritual battle, but I didn't know how to deal with them that way. Thankfully a few years ago a fabulous lady at my church taught me about spiritual warfare.The Lord had already healed of my abortion & the things I carried because of it, so I knew He could do the same with this. But here's the kicker, I expected Him to do it without much effort from me. Galatians 4 lists the fruits of the spirit, the last one being self-control, the hardest one (aside from patience) for me to do. My issues with food were never going to be healed if I didn't practice self-control.
Now I've dealt with weight loss/health stuff for so long I can tell anyone what they should do to succeed. It's never been a lack of knowledge for me, but rather doing it. 1 Corinthians 6:19 gives me my greatest reason for dealing with it, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Can you imagine walking into Solomon's temple in the Old Testament full of gold, completely lavished with the best things, rich & succulent! Yet on this side of the Cross, God doesn't dwell in one spot, He lives in us! I have NO business treating His temple so poorly! 1 Corinthians 6:19 & 20 also says that my body is not my own, I've been bought with a high price. Jesus gave His life for each of us. As a believer I fully understand the links He went to for me. Scripture also teaches us that we honor God with our bodies. Not just by keeping ourselves sexually pure, but in all ways. Our temples should be as radiant as Solomon's.
About 6 months ago I was seeking The Lord on these particular issues searching for the root of my issues. He showed me I used food as a drug to deal with emotional issues. As a child my parents owned a restaurant so anything I wanted to eat I could have. My parents had a horrible relationship & I would use food to help me cope. Once they divorced I lived with my mom & we became very poor. The food we had was completely unhealthy, but there were seasons I wasn't sure how much food we would actually have so when it was in abundance I ate & ate. My family on both sides also deals with a generational sin of addiction. While some family struggled with alcoholism, drugs, & gambling, myself & others were addicted to food. It's our drug of choice. It's hard for most people to understand this because we have to have food to survive. In their minds you just stop eating, but it isn't that easy. We crave food to fill a void, to get a "high" in the same manner a crack addict craves crack.
After The Lord revealed my root issues I began seeking Him on how to deal with them in a healthy way. The diet programs I've tried before aren't bad, but they didn't help me they way I needed. For over 10 years my husband & I have taken vitamins from Advocare. I even tried some products way back when to lose weight. But like all the other "diets" I was relying on the products to magically make me skinny. I wasn't all concerned about being healthy or having to do any real work. The Lord led me to a blog by a precious Christian woman named Danielle. It is FULL of great advice on healthy living & how Advocare products help aid in that. Reading many of her posts felt like the clouds parted & light shone down from heaven & angels started singing!
At this time I was 6 months pregnant & exchanged my prenatal for vitamins from Advocare (Coreplex with Iron & Omegaplex). Slowly I began changing my eating habits, walking when I could, learning about other products & continuing seeking God. I am now 2 months post pardom & have seriously made efforts to be healthy, not skinny! After I had my sweet girl I would walk as often as I could, which was pretty slow since I had my FOURTH c-section! But it was movement! I began drinking protein shakes with almond milk to get healthy calories added that I needed for breast feeding. Once my 6 week check up came & my doctor gave me thumbs up to really exercise I decided I wasn't going to use any excuses to get healthy! One of my greatest motivations is my daughter Chapel. I don't want her to grow up watching me struggle with this battle & then having these same issues that I passed down! I've got to do this for both of us!
Since that check up I've added Spark, Catalyst, Probiotic Restore Ultra, Rehydrate, & Calcium Plus to the Advocare products I take. I feel so much healthier! I haven't had a carbonated drink in over a month! I naturally crave water & crave healthier food options! Now I won't lie, there are moments when I will still crave junk, either I'll allow myself some (moderation!) or I'll pray & ask Jesus to remove it or help me fight the urge.
I'm as busy as ever! A husband, 4 kids ranging from 2 months to 8 years, homeschooling, etc...my time is shot! I REFUSE to continue to use time as an excuse to not workout. Even if its just walking with my family while the big boys ride their bikes it's still MOVING! My husband is very encouraging & supportive in helping me make time to go to the gym! I couldn't do this without him! Since August 14 at my doctor's appointment I've lost 5 lbs & 10 inches! In only 2 1/2 weeks!!! Not only that but I ran (jogged, I'm slow) my 1st MILE in about 2 YEARS!!! Did I mention I just had a baby 2 MONTHS ago!???!! It may have been a slow mile, but it was still a mile! I was completely calling on Jesus & quoting Scripture during it!
Today I'm beginning the Advocare 24 Day Challenge for Breast Feeding Moms. My other healthy goal for September is to run 30 miles this month. I'll be updating through Instagram (MommaAsh, #24daychallenge #Challenge4BFmoms or #30milesinSept ) I hope I'll be able to keep blogging as well (but you know I'm busy busy!).
If you have any questions about Advocare please feel free to email me at ashleysigrest @ hotmail dotcom. I'd be happy to help you!! Listed below are some other blogs that have helped motivate & encourage me with my Advocare journey...check them out!!
http://hellostripes.blogspot.com/2013/01/before-afterkinda.html?m=1
Nikki has helped me tremendously by answering so many questions I've emailed her!
http://advocarerunner.blogspot.com/2013/06/before-and-after-jennifers-success.html?m=1
http://fitandfabulousmomsllc.blogspot.com/2012/06/24-day-challenge-and-nursing.html?m=1
http://www.journeyofparenthood.com/2012/08/losing-baby-weight-advocare.html#.Ug7k0cu9KK0
Thursday, January 10, 2013
2012 Year End Review
I'm usually pretty good about doing before the year is over, but with the year 2012 was I'm sure you understand!January began a very busy year for me! I was able to scratch off the #2 thing on my bucket list by marching in the March for LIFE & sharing my testimony in front of a massive crowd outside the National Supreme Court with the group Silent No More. I've yet to openly talk about that trip, but I'm going back this year so maybe I'll do it then! Some of the highlights were meeting prolife heroes Alveda King, Mike Huckabee, Rebecca Kiessling, Kelly Clinger, Georgette Forney, Julia Holcomb, & Father Frank Pavone.
In February I became a certified to lead the post abortive Bible Study Surrendering the Secret & had a great chance to meet the Author Pat Layton & many other post abortive women & men. I was also asked to speak at the Spring Kick-Off of the 40 Days for LIFE Campaign in Jackson. I also began do a lot of press conferences for personhood & prolife groups. It was insanely busy, but God kept opening doors & I made a promise to Him that I would boldly step through any door He opened before me! That my friends is NOT always easy or fun! But each time we choose to follow Him & get out of our comfort zone we grow so much stronger in Him! It's definitely worth it!
March was definitely more restful & I just got to enjoy being wife & momma! My sweet Brady turned 7 & continued to lose more teeth! One random moment in March I was able to meet Newt Gingrich who made a stop in MS while in the running for the Republican bid for President. I must say he was very funny & I think he has good ideas that could help America, though I was personally hoping Santorum would win. I was asked to share my testimony at the ProLife Mississippi Spring banquet. It was quite an honor! I had attend a few times before anyone knew about my abortion & I remember thinking during those times if I would ever be able to open up & share my story. No matter how many times I tell it, it's always hard. I know though God has a purpose each time to show others His redemptive healing, His love, & His mercy. I am nothing more than a willing vessel.
April brought another amazing opportunity my way. I traveled to Dallas with a group of post abortive women to attend the Esther Call hosted by Lou Engle. It was time devoted to prayer & fasting to end abortion. Roe v Wade began in Dallas, TX so the mass of those who were there (mostly post abortive women) prayed in front of the Dallas Courthouse where the first papers were filed to legalize abortion. We prayed for specific groups of people his hard by abortion-African Americans, Hispanics, we prayed for an adoption movement to sweep through the Church, we prayed for an end to sex trafficking & so forth. Plus we worshiped God a lot! It was an incredible time & His presence was so thick! While I was there I met & befriended actress Shari Rigby of October Baby. But the most personal healing part of this trip were these shoes. A group has thousands of baby shoes for post abortive men & women to pick out for the child or children they aborted, something we gave up when we chose to abort. They have you write a note to your child & they travel all across America displaying the shoes to give a visual reminder of how many children have been killed & how many women & men have been hurt by abortion. I cannot even begin to tell you how much picking out those shoes & writing that note meant to me! The tears shed over those tiny shoes gave me so much more healing than I could've ever imagined!
In May we took a much needed break from homeschooling, but it was
overshadowed by sharing sick germs! Thankfully we got over it in time to
celebrate Rylan's 4th birthday!! This month I wrapped my first session of Surrendering the Secret at my church where I got to witness two more women move into freedom from their past abortions. One of those ladies is now helping to lead the class! I'm telling you God never ceases to amaze me with His power to heal! 
In June My family participated in the first annual Walk 4 LIFE in Jackson. It means SO much to me to have a husband that supports me & stands with me! Being open about abortion & fighting it is hard emotionally, spiritually, & mentally! My precious husband is always by my side, has my back & defends my honor when people say ugly things about me. He's a prince! And I must mention that having my sweet blessings with me thrills my heart! They are definitely warriors in training!
July was pretty rough starting out. That day at the abortion clinic will go down as one of the hardest spiritual battles I've EVER fought. You'll have to go back & read about it! This month was also a time of joy when my niece Britany got engaged. I wish her & her future hubby tons of happiness! The boys & I got right back into homeschooling because let's face it, the heat in MS is unbearable! We didn't want to be outside! So back to school we went!
August brought a lot of fun & more spiritual growth! I was able to get away with a big group of ladies from my church & spend the weekend in Knoxville, TN & attend a Beth Moore conference! I would LOVE to sit & just learn from that lady! She is very wise & studies the Bible with incredible passion & diligence! The conference was amazing, but on the ride home the Lord showed out! I can't even begin to described what happened, but to anyone who thinks the gifts of the Spirit no longer exist are completely missing out! The following weekend my dear Mr & I attended Kirk Cameron's A Love Worth Fighting For. I HIGHLY recommend this for EVERY married couple!
We took a time out in September & went on vacation in Gulf Shores, AL. It was so nice to get away & just enjoy being with our little family. Some friends went along with us & while we were in AL we were able to visit some old friends as well & sight see & simply just take our time & slow down! Which I didn't realize how much I even needed at that point! By October I was fighting a spiritual battle that I didn't even notice at the time. I had become so overwhelmed with anxiety about the future, should I continue in the prolife/personhood battle, should I just step back from all ministry for a while, I tell you I was overwhelmed and greatly burdened. But the Lord reminded me that even though He has called me into this ministry the burden of it was never suppose to overwhelm me, because His burdened is light. I had picked up more than my share & I had to lay it down at His feet. By the end of the month we got a lil surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test! A year ago when Brad & I were praying about having more kids, God clearly told us October 2012. But because of so many things going on that month we didn't even try. In fact, Brad was very sick during my fertile days so there was no sharing of love if you catch my drift :) After visiting a friend who convinced to just take a test to see, after God said October, I took one. Though my point in taking it was to prove I wasn't pregnant, but low & behold I was! What a way to end that month!!!
November needless to say started out great! We celebrated Keller's 2nd birthday though very few knew at the time I was endanger of miscarrying. I had began bleeding & the baby's heartbeat was very low. Thankfully the Lord has given me some amazing friends who were praying hard us & we all believed everything would be fine because...GOD SAID OCTOBER! And of course all was well! Baby's heart rate went up & morning sickness hit right before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately hypermemsis rared it's ugly head & was horribly sick for a long time. If it wasn't for my amazing kids, a fabulous husband & incredible friends I would have gone insane! After much prayer the Lord answered once again & it got much better & was able to fully enjoy Christmas & we even made a trip to TX to visit family. 2012 was a roller coaster, fast, powerful, full of loops, twists & turns, but by the end I was right where God wanted me & I can't wait to see what all 2013 brings!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
My Esther Moment
"...And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14b
One year ago I had an enormously defining moment in my life. October 31, 2011 started out like any other day...I got up I fed my kids, we did our homeschool, I prepared things for a get-together we had that night, all was pretty normal. Around noon I received a phone call from the Yes on 26 Personhood Campaign asking if I could come to a press conference at the state Capitol. I would not be speaking, but they wanted me there for possible interviews afterward.
Only when I hung up the phone God told me I would be speaking...& the butterflies began to swirl!
You see, it had only been about four days since I had completely opened up to all my family about my rape & past abortion. For years I kept that a tight closed secret from them and many others, but in the summer of 2009 through a post-abortive Bible study called Surrendering the Secret, the Lord COMPLETELY healed me of the shame, guilt, fear, & worthlessness I carried because of my abortion. He had told me way back in my darkest of times when all I wanted to do was give up & even attempted suicide, that He was going to use me & my story all over. It would be His & He would use it to help others. I never understood what God was telling me until last year.
Last fall the buzz was thick all around Mississippi about the upcoming Personhood Amendment on the ballot. I knew I needed to come out with my story, but because my family & my husband's family didn't know about my rape & abortion I was scared. My church already knew because I had been able to share my testimony a couple times, but having it out in the open was still nerve racking. I felt no shame, but I knew our families might, they could be angry, & completely shut me out. My mom was the only family who knew at the time, I had opened up to her about 2 years after I did it, but she begged me never to tell anyone, that it would just hurt others to know. So I carried it with me for 13 years only sharing with specific people.
However, on Thursday, October 27, 2011 the Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to me to let it all go & write it on my blog. As soon as I was done I sat down feeling free, amazed at how just typing it for whomever to read lifted a burden off of me & I couldn't stop smiling. Then as I was relishing it all I saw a commercial by those opposed to personhood with a woman talking about how we should vote NO because she was raped & alluded that she conceived & abortion was the best thing for her. I could hear Satan laughing at me, mocking me. So I looked up the number & called the YES on 26 Campaign & told them I would speak out & share my story too. Turns out that lady NEVER conceived by rape & NEVER had an abortion! ALL lies to deceive people into voting NO.
The next day I was interviewed by local news & my husband & I shared the truth with our families. I think hearing my dad's heartbreak was the absolute hardest. But he needed to know the truth like everyone else. I was raped, I conceived, & I had an abortion & DEEPLY regretted it! Rape is NO excuse for abortion! People everywhere use the exceptions clause to justify abortion & it made me want to puke every time I heard it because none of them seemed to understand that the abortion left me more scarred than the rape.
So on Monday, October 31, I got to the Capitol, the press conference went great with all of the speakers, then the media & crowd was able to ask questions. They were hounding hard & a precious retired OBGYN that used to perform abortions before coming to Christ got up to answer some medical questions. Then an angry mob of people screamed out, "What about cases of rape? Shouldn't a woman be able to have an abortion if she has been raped?"
Dr. McMillan was trying her best to answer this question, but not having gone through it she was struggling. I was standing to the side jerking wanting so bad to go up there, but completely terrified at the same time, when very clearly like a peaceful thunder I heard God say, "MOVE!"
And this is what happened.
I'm still in awe of what the Lord did that day! What all He's done & allowed me to do this last year. Personhood is far from over, just as God Almighty is far from over in working in me! Praise His Holy Name!!
One year ago I had an enormously defining moment in my life. October 31, 2011 started out like any other day...I got up I fed my kids, we did our homeschool, I prepared things for a get-together we had that night, all was pretty normal. Around noon I received a phone call from the Yes on 26 Personhood Campaign asking if I could come to a press conference at the state Capitol. I would not be speaking, but they wanted me there for possible interviews afterward.
Only when I hung up the phone God told me I would be speaking...& the butterflies began to swirl!
You see, it had only been about four days since I had completely opened up to all my family about my rape & past abortion. For years I kept that a tight closed secret from them and many others, but in the summer of 2009 through a post-abortive Bible study called Surrendering the Secret, the Lord COMPLETELY healed me of the shame, guilt, fear, & worthlessness I carried because of my abortion. He had told me way back in my darkest of times when all I wanted to do was give up & even attempted suicide, that He was going to use me & my story all over. It would be His & He would use it to help others. I never understood what God was telling me until last year.
Last fall the buzz was thick all around Mississippi about the upcoming Personhood Amendment on the ballot. I knew I needed to come out with my story, but because my family & my husband's family didn't know about my rape & abortion I was scared. My church already knew because I had been able to share my testimony a couple times, but having it out in the open was still nerve racking. I felt no shame, but I knew our families might, they could be angry, & completely shut me out. My mom was the only family who knew at the time, I had opened up to her about 2 years after I did it, but she begged me never to tell anyone, that it would just hurt others to know. So I carried it with me for 13 years only sharing with specific people.
However, on Thursday, October 27, 2011 the Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to me to let it all go & write it on my blog. As soon as I was done I sat down feeling free, amazed at how just typing it for whomever to read lifted a burden off of me & I couldn't stop smiling. Then as I was relishing it all I saw a commercial by those opposed to personhood with a woman talking about how we should vote NO because she was raped & alluded that she conceived & abortion was the best thing for her. I could hear Satan laughing at me, mocking me. So I looked up the number & called the YES on 26 Campaign & told them I would speak out & share my story too. Turns out that lady NEVER conceived by rape & NEVER had an abortion! ALL lies to deceive people into voting NO.
The next day I was interviewed by local news & my husband & I shared the truth with our families. I think hearing my dad's heartbreak was the absolute hardest. But he needed to know the truth like everyone else. I was raped, I conceived, & I had an abortion & DEEPLY regretted it! Rape is NO excuse for abortion! People everywhere use the exceptions clause to justify abortion & it made me want to puke every time I heard it because none of them seemed to understand that the abortion left me more scarred than the rape.
So on Monday, October 31, I got to the Capitol, the press conference went great with all of the speakers, then the media & crowd was able to ask questions. They were hounding hard & a precious retired OBGYN that used to perform abortions before coming to Christ got up to answer some medical questions. Then an angry mob of people screamed out, "What about cases of rape? Shouldn't a woman be able to have an abortion if she has been raped?"
Dr. McMillan was trying her best to answer this question, but not having gone through it she was struggling. I was standing to the side jerking wanting so bad to go up there, but completely terrified at the same time, when very clearly like a peaceful thunder I heard God say, "MOVE!"
And this is what happened.
I'm still in awe of what the Lord did that day! What all He's done & allowed me to do this last year. Personhood is far from over, just as God Almighty is far from over in working in me! Praise His Holy Name!!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
My thoughts on Akin
Many people know I have been raped & conceived a child because of it & had that child aborted. Representative Todd Akin recently tried to speak out about his thoughts on abortion & when talking about abortion & rape he used the term "legitimate rape." Everyone is in an uproar over it. Yes his comment was dumb, he has been mislead, all rape is legitimate, that's what separates it from consenting sex. He tried to use a study that says women in rape can keep themselves from getting pregnant, but let's face it, no woman wants to get pregnant from rape.
So what are my thoughts?
He was wrong. He apologized. Let's all learn a big lesson & move on. Forgiveness.
With it being an election year there is so much more we should focus on, like having the most pro-abortion president voted out of office. Let's keep focus on November!
Here are some links to some of my testimonies & why rape should never be an excuse for abortion!!
Much love & many blessings,
Ash
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=1469894
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1zzmfWYHPQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player
So what are my thoughts?
He was wrong. He apologized. Let's all learn a big lesson & move on. Forgiveness.
With it being an election year there is so much more we should focus on, like having the most pro-abortion president voted out of office. Let's keep focus on November!
Here are some links to some of my testimonies & why rape should never be an excuse for abortion!!
Much love & many blessings,
Ash
http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=1469894
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Beth Moore
I just returned from my first LIVE Beth Moore conference & it was amazing! The Lord definitely spoke through her to me & many others. She is a gifted teacher! I just finished researching her using the ever popular Google LoL! Now, I will share that there are some who criticize her for various reasons, some seem credible, but the sources seem to be out looking for something to criticize or be negative about. So be warned when reading such things. And always use the Bible & the Holy Spirit to help you discern & remember no one is perfect.I will say this weekend was nothing less than fabulous! Her theme was being CREDIBLE & she was! Her focus came from 2 Corinthians 6 & 7. I'm not going to go through everything she talked about, but rather fill you in on what stood out to me.
1) Her life & family. Beth shared that she was molested as a young child & it continued for many years, but the Lord has healed her & has helped her to forgive. She also talked about how her husband isn't a big fan church, but he is a believer. I found this very interesting & refreshing. Here is this lady who has a great gift from the Lord, studies Scripture, hungers for more of God, all the while having a husband who is apparently not the Spiritual leader of their home. Yet you can see she is still submissive to him, honors him, & loves him very much. Too many times I've seen women, even myself, be overly critical of their husbands not being more Spiritual. What I learned from what Beth shared is that no matter the difference in our Spiritual maturity with our husbands, we must still obey the Lord & follow through with what His Word calls us to be as wives. Nagging our husbands will never draw them to God & will only hinder our relationship with them.
2) Fellowship is greater than friendship & kinship. If you've read some of my blogs over the last few years you know I have struggled with friendships. I think the word friend has been turned into something its not, but that's a whole other blog :). In fellowship we are in a deep relationship with others. We hurt together, we laugh together, we love together, we LIVE together. It's an ongoing process to be intertwined in the lives of others & to truly love them. Friends come & go, but when you are in fellowship with others, its life your living together, the ups & downs, the good & bad, the easy & the hard! Fellowship is vital! We must die together (to this world) & live together (in Christ).
3) We have to die to ourselves & love others & many times it hurts. It feels like we are truly being killed. But God called us to love, even the unlovable. One of her points was "Interlocking lives is either double strength, or double trouble." We do have to set boundaries with people at times & even have to flee from some relationships. That doesn't mean though we stop loving them or praying for them. Also, within this point she made the comment that being a carnal Christian really cuts our credibility as a believer. People should be able to tell we are credible by how we live our lives.
4) Another point was "Bondage at its deadly best is trading repentance for regret." Regretting the things we've done only keeps us in bondage to the past & our sins. Repenting & turning away from them sets us FREE!
5)Having credibility is earned! We can't have it through someone else, can't inherit it or marry it! The Gospel can't be spread if we don't have cred! We can say what we believe, but its believability comes through how we our everyday lives. It comes the hard way through hard work, in good times & in bad. We must have endurance!
6) The Climax: Everything is NOTHING without Jesus! 2 Corinthians 6:8-10 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
NEXT WEEK: Sarah
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Eve
Oh Eve...she gets a bad rap! So many times I have heard women say, "When I get to Heaven I'm going to have to tell Eve off!" Or something to that liking. I have to be honest, I feel sorry for Eve. She was the FIRST woman, EVER! That's a lot of pressure! Eve's story unfolds in Genesis 1:26-31 & Genesis 2-4. She was the 1st wife & mother. No one to turn to for expertise. What Eve did have was an up close & personal relationship with God. Can you imagine walking in Eden with the great I AM!?!
Let's remember, Eve did not sin out of rebellion to God, but through deception because she wanted to be closer to God. The serpent, Satan, deceived her using exactly what he knew would make her fall. He still does the same thing to all of us. Have you ever thought about why Satan chose Eve to deceive over Adam? I heard Donna Gaines point out that God didn't tell Eve not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil, He told Adam. It was Adam's job as husband & leader to tell Eve & protect her. Eve's knowledge of this rule was 2nd hand, therefore it was easier to doubt.
What lesson can we learn from this? Read God's Word for yourself! Study it, devour it, apply it, always stay hungry for it! There are many great pastors & teachers out there that are very wise & knowledgeable, but they can't replace your one on one time in God's Word letting the Holy Spirit speak His truth into you. As great as pastors & teachers are, they are human & subject to fault & our main source of God's Word can't be second hand knowledge, it has to be first hand straight from the Word.
Through this fall she was cursed with childbirth pains. (And every woman flinches LoL). Not only that, her firstborn son killed her second son. I'm sure Eve felt a ton of mommy guilt! "If I hadn't listened to that serpent, if I had been a better mother..." You know what I'm talking about, we all do it. Blame ourselves for anything & everything, but that in itself is not of God! God did bless Eve with another son, Seth, & someday a Savior would be born to save us all from our sins.
And we can't forget that as the 1st woman, God made her in His own image. He designed our bodies, our minds, & our hearts to reflect His goodness, love, & mercy to others. He gave us His strength & imparts His wisdom to us as we seek Him. No matter how far or how often we fall, He is always there to help us back up & to shower us with His grace.
The next time you start beating yourself up about who you are & what you look like, stop & confess it to God, remember He made you just the way you are & He desires to mold you into who He wants you to be. It's time to surrender yourself to the Lord & let Him make you into the person He designed you to be to fulfill your purpose in His Kingdom plan!!
Many blessings to you all! Next week: Beth Moore!
Let's remember, Eve did not sin out of rebellion to God, but through deception because she wanted to be closer to God. The serpent, Satan, deceived her using exactly what he knew would make her fall. He still does the same thing to all of us. Have you ever thought about why Satan chose Eve to deceive over Adam? I heard Donna Gaines point out that God didn't tell Eve not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil, He told Adam. It was Adam's job as husband & leader to tell Eve & protect her. Eve's knowledge of this rule was 2nd hand, therefore it was easier to doubt.
What lesson can we learn from this? Read God's Word for yourself! Study it, devour it, apply it, always stay hungry for it! There are many great pastors & teachers out there that are very wise & knowledgeable, but they can't replace your one on one time in God's Word letting the Holy Spirit speak His truth into you. As great as pastors & teachers are, they are human & subject to fault & our main source of God's Word can't be second hand knowledge, it has to be first hand straight from the Word.Through this fall she was cursed with childbirth pains. (And every woman flinches LoL). Not only that, her firstborn son killed her second son. I'm sure Eve felt a ton of mommy guilt! "If I hadn't listened to that serpent, if I had been a better mother..." You know what I'm talking about, we all do it. Blame ourselves for anything & everything, but that in itself is not of God! God did bless Eve with another son, Seth, & someday a Savior would be born to save us all from our sins.
And we can't forget that as the 1st woman, God made her in His own image. He designed our bodies, our minds, & our hearts to reflect His goodness, love, & mercy to others. He gave us His strength & imparts His wisdom to us as we seek Him. No matter how far or how often we fall, He is always there to help us back up & to shower us with His grace.
The next time you start beating yourself up about who you are & what you look like, stop & confess it to God, remember He made you just the way you are & He desires to mold you into who He wants you to be. It's time to surrender yourself to the Lord & let Him make you into the person He designed you to be to fulfill your purpose in His Kingdom plan!!
Many blessings to you all! Next week: Beth Moore!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)