2012 Year End Review

I'm usually pretty good about doing before the year is over, but with the year 2012 was I'm sure you understand!

January began a very busy year for me! I was able to scratch off the #2 thing on my bucket list by marching in the March for LIFE & sharing my testimony in front of a massive crowd outside the National Supreme Court with the group Silent No More. I've yet to openly talk about that trip, but I'm going back this year so maybe I'll do it then! Some of the highlights were meeting prolife heroes Alveda King, Mike Huckabee, Rebecca Kiessling, Kelly Clinger, Georgette Forney, Julia Holcomb, & Father Frank Pavone.
 

In February I became a certified to lead the post abortive Bible Study Surrendering the Secret & had a great chance to meet the Author Pat Layton & many other post abortive women & men. I was also asked to speak at the Spring Kick-Off of the 40 Days for LIFE Campaign in Jackson. I also began do a lot of press conferences for personhood & prolife groups. It was insanely busy, but God kept opening doors & I made a promise to Him that I would boldly step through any door He opened before me! That my friends is NOT always easy or fun! But each time we choose to follow Him & get out of our comfort zone we grow so much stronger in Him! It's definitely worth it!

March was definitely more restful & I just got to enjoy being wife & momma! My sweet Brady turned 7 & continued to lose more teeth! One random moment in March I was able to meet Newt Gingrich who made a stop in MS while in the running for the Republican bid for President. I must say he was very funny & I think he has good ideas that could help America, though I was personally hoping Santorum would win. I was asked to share my testimony at the ProLife Mississippi Spring banquet. It was quite an honor! I had attend a few times before anyone knew about my abortion & I remember thinking during those times if I would ever be able to open up & share my story. No matter how many times I tell it, it's always hard. I know though God has a purpose each time to show others His redemptive healing, His love, & His mercy. I am nothing more than a willing vessel.

April brought another amazing opportunity my way. I traveled to Dallas with a group of post abortive women to attend the Esther Call hosted by Lou Engle. It was time devoted to prayer & fasting to end abortion. Roe v Wade began in Dallas, TX so the mass of those who were there (mostly post abortive women) prayed in front of the Dallas Courthouse where the first papers were filed to legalize abortion. We prayed for specific groups of people his hard by abortion-African Americans, Hispanics, we prayed for an adoption movement to sweep through the Church, we prayed for an end to sex trafficking & so forth. Plus we worshiped God a lot! It was an incredible time & His presence was so thick! While I was there I met & befriended actress Shari Rigby of October Baby. But the most personal healing part of this trip were these shoes. A group has thousands of baby shoes for post abortive men & women to pick out for the child or children they aborted, something we gave up when we chose to abort. They have you write a note to your child & they travel all across America displaying the shoes to give a visual reminder of how many children have been killed & how many women & men have been hurt by abortion. I cannot even begin to tell you how much picking out those shoes & writing that note meant to me! The tears shed over those tiny shoes gave me so much more healing than I could've ever imagined!

In May we took a much needed break from homeschooling, but it was overshadowed by sharing sick germs! Thankfully we got over it in time to celebrate Rylan's 4th birthday!! This month I wrapped my first session of Surrendering the Secret at my church where I got to witness two more women move into freedom from their past abortions. One of those ladies is now helping to lead the class! I'm telling you God never ceases to amaze me with His power to heal! 

In June My family participated in the first annual Walk 4 LIFE in Jackson. It means SO much to me to have a husband that supports me & stands with me! Being open about abortion & fighting it is hard emotionally, spiritually, & mentally! My precious husband is always by my side, has my back & defends my honor when people say ugly things about me. He's a prince! And I must mention that having my sweet blessings with me thrills my heart! They are definitely warriors in training!

July was pretty rough starting out. That day at the abortion clinic will go down as one of the hardest spiritual battles I've EVER fought. You'll have to go back & read about it! This month was also a time of joy when my niece Britany got engaged. I wish her & her future hubby tons of happiness! The boys & I got right back into homeschooling because let's face it, the heat in MS is unbearable! We didn't want to be outside! So back to school we went!

August brought a lot of fun & more spiritual growth! I was able to get away with a big group of ladies from my church & spend the weekend in Knoxville, TN & attend a Beth Moore conference! I would LOVE to sit & just learn from that lady! She is very wise & studies the Bible with incredible passion & diligence! The conference was amazing, but on the ride home the Lord showed out! I can't even begin to described what happened, but to anyone who thinks the gifts of the Spirit no longer exist are completely missing out! The following weekend my dear Mr & I attended Kirk Cameron's A Love Worth Fighting For. I HIGHLY recommend this for EVERY married couple!

We took a time out in September & went on vacation in Gulf Shores, AL. It was so nice to get away & just enjoy being with our little family. Some friends went along with us & while we were in AL we were able to visit some old friends as well & sight see & simply just take our time & slow down! Which I didn't realize how much I even needed at that point! By October I was fighting a spiritual battle that I didn't even notice at the time. I had become so overwhelmed with anxiety about the future, should I continue in the prolife/personhood battle, should I just step back from all ministry for a while, I tell you I was overwhelmed and greatly burdened. But the Lord reminded me that even though He has called me into this ministry the burden of it was never suppose to overwhelm me, because His burdened is light. I had picked up more than my share & I had to lay it down at His feet. 

By the end of the month we got a lil surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test! A year ago when Brad & I were praying about having more kids, God clearly told us October 2012. But because of so many things going on that month we didn't even try. In fact, Brad was very sick during my fertile days so there was no sharing of love if you catch my drift :) After visiting a friend who convinced to just take a test to see, after God said October, I took one. Though my point in taking it was to prove I wasn't pregnant, but low & behold I was! What a way to end that month!!!

November needless to say started out great! We celebrated Keller's 2nd birthday though very few knew at the time I was endanger of miscarrying. I had began bleeding & the baby's heartbeat was very low. Thankfully the Lord has given me some amazing friends who were praying hard us & we all believed everything would be fine because...GOD SAID OCTOBER! And of course all was well! Baby's heart rate went up & morning sickness hit right before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately hypermemsis rared it's ugly head & was horribly sick for a long time. If it wasn't for my amazing kids, a fabulous husband & incredible friends I would have gone insane! After much prayer the Lord answered once again & it got much better & was able to fully enjoy Christmas & we even made a trip to TX to visit family. 2012 was a roller coaster, fast, powerful, full of loops, twists & turns, but by the end I was right where God wanted me & I can't wait to see what all 2013 brings!

Unspeakable Joy, Everlasting Peace-my day at the abortion clinic

I could not have fathomed how Monday July 2 was going to go for me. A few months earlier Mississippi passed a law requiring any doctor performing abortions at the only clinic left in our state had to be a board-certified, licensed OB-GYN & have admitting privileges at a local hospital. The two doctors that had been performing abortions are from Alabama, at a clinic owned by the same lady, Diane Derzis, who owns the Jackson clinic. It had just recently been closed because these two doctors had botched so many abortions & hurt a lot of women. They do not have the proper credentials.

Sunday, July 1, a federal judge ruled that the Jackson clinic could remain open until their appeal was heard in court. Upset, hurt, angry; none of those feelings truly encompassed how I felt when I got that news after coming home from church that night. I was shocked in a sense, but not really surprised. I know our judicial system is in disarray, but I was really hoping this law would sustain. That night I got a message from a pro-life friend asking me if I could go to the clinic early Monday morning because they assumed a lot of media would be there to cover the story & they hoped maybe they would hear my personal testimony. 

I honestly didn't want to go. I wanted to take my kiddos to the pool & have a relaxing day, but God totally had other plans!

When I first arrived I greeted the other pro-lifers that were there already praying & reading Scripture. They showed me that CNN was across the street & had just finished interviewing the clinic owner & that I should go over there to talk to them. After praying I felt God nudge me to go. The CNN crew consisted of 3 men, a producer, a reporter, & a cameraman. They took my name & number & listened to a bit of my testimony & then in a VERY patronizing way told me they'd have to do a back ground check first. I was puzzled. See, I was a journalism major & I know that anytime you think you have someone who would make a good story you always film them, get your info & do the check later. God told me it wasn't going to happen & I was a little hurt as to why He had me go over there knowing they wouldn't dare talk to me.

I told the men I understood what they were doing. They only came for the story they wanted to show. They really didn't want the truth about abortion. "You'll talk to the owner," I told them, "& you'll show footage of the 'crazy' older white pro-life man with his graphic signs, but you wouldn't dare air the testimony of a woman who's actually had an abortion & has spent the last 14 years regretting it."

The producer tried to patronize me again, but I bluntly told him of my degree & I knew exactly what he was doing & I wasn't mad at him, I understood the game. I just wanted him to know I wasn't some idiot & that if he ever wanted the truth instead of a slant that he could call me. As I was talking a lady who works in the building across from the clinic was turning into her parking lot, rolled down her window & began to SCREAM at me for being on her property talking to them. She & her business HATE the sidewalk counselors who come each day to the clinic to pray & try & talk to the girls going in & out of the clinic. They also often turn on a sprinkler to soak the side-walk counselors...sad isn't it. That's a lot of hate! After the lady screamed at me the producer looked horrified, I told him to make sure he paid attention to which side was truly filled with hate.

I crossed the street back to the sidewalk in front of the clinic & grabbed a sign someone else had brought. The truth is WOMEN DO REGRET ABORTION! I stood in front of the gate, no one ever goes in this way, trying to grasp all that just happened. Why did they hate us so much? Why did God tell me to go over there for that? As I was contemplating all that had just happened, a worker from the clinic opened the gate, bumped me out of the way to hang up the yellow sign you see in the picture. She looked at my sign, rolled her eyes & laughed. I told her women do regret abortion, I should know, because I regret mine. She then laughed again & called me a hypocrite. "That's right, you're nothing but a two-faced hypocrite! You got your abortion & now you don't want anyone else to get theirs!" I tried to talk to her, but she was screaming so loud I couldn't get a word in, then she slammed the gate door & went inside. 

Hypocrite. Hypocrite! I was NOT a hypocrite! At that point I lost it. I had a good break down. I'm talking gut-wrenching, heart-felt, pain-filled cry. I couldn't have stopped if I tried. Before I knew it I was crying to God. My soul was bearing words. How in the world could she call me a hypocrite when all I was trying to do was share the truth of what abortion does to women. All I want to do is stop women from making the worst choice they could ever make! HYPOCRITE!!! I was broken. I closed my eyes & remembered Jesus hanging on the Cross asking God to forgive His persecutors, for they truly did not know what they were doing. So I did the same thing. Then Tenth Avenue North's new song Losing began to play in my head, "Father give me the grace to forgive them, because I feel like the one losing!"

 

 That was definitely a God-moment for me. A precious part of my journey that I will cherish forever. Because that moment I was undone & even though it doesn't come close to what Christ went through, I understood on a whole other level like never before. I thank Him for sending me into that fiery furnace because in the midst of the fire, I felt so close to Christ, for He was with me the WHOLE time!

I decided to take a break because I was emotionally worn down & the heat was UNBEARABLE! Luckily my sweet husband worked to blocks down so I was able to go get comfort from him & cool off for a bit. When I walked back to the clinic there was a lot more pro-lifers there. They were gathered in front of the gate where I had once stood & were praying, reading passages from the Bible & singing hymns. It was a beautiful sight to see these warriors in action. Peaceful, full of love & determination for the Lord. I decided not to interrupt them so I stood with my sign on the corner so the traffic passing by could see my sign & my face. 

All of sudden I heard a lady yelling at me telling me I had to move, I was on their property. I KINDLY told her I was not trespassing, that where the sidewalk is painted white & says "PRIVATE" is their property & where I was standing was public property. She then got in my face, & I mean all up in my face, screaming waving her finger, but I didn't move. I knew my rights & I was not about to be intimidated or bullied. So I stood. By this time the media came out of the clinic from interviewing the owner, & I mean a lot of media, not CNN, but many of our local stations & papers, the Associated Press (who took all the pictures you see on this blog) & the New York Times. They all began to pull out their cameras to capture what was happening. Now I know my face looks fierce in this picture, but I assure I was a lot more calm :). She threatened to call the cops & I told her to go ahead.

Then some of the precious sidewalk counselors came to my defense & the lady continued to scream at them, calling them all sorts of names. At one point she got too close too close to Mr. Ron (red shirt) for my liking so I stepped back in & told them we are here for Jesus & His love & we won't get into a yelling match, that she could call the cops if she felt the need, but I would not be moved! I felt the serene peace of God Almighty wash over me. I knew that no matter what happened, I would stand for Him & if that meant going to jail I was ok with that. After all, it didn't stop Paul!

She went back inside to call the cops, things calmed down for a bit, & I heard someone calling my name. It was my sweet sister in Christ Melissa! She & I went through our post-abortion Bible study, Surrendering The Secret, together. As we walked toward each other we both began to cry & we just embraced & held each other while we continued to cry & pray. This is what abortion does to women. It's an unending pain that never leaves. Jesus has most definitely healed us, but we will always hurt & long for our children that we aborted. We know what this clinic & others like it do to women. They just help you end a pregnancy, they help you kill your child, forever wounding you, & leaving you to deal with it. This is why I do what I do. To give God the glory for redeeming me, to show His love, to warn others of what this "choice" will do to you later, to save the unborn, & to help those who've already made the "choice." God told me years ago He was going to use me in this fight & I am a willing vessel.

Shortly after, three cop cars pulled around the clinic, two drove off while one stayed & pulled up to talk to us. He was very kind. The workers came back out screaming & acted crazy. The officer told her she needed to calm down. She told him we were trespassing, but I showed him the line & the part that said 

private. He said I was fine, to be sure we stayed on the public side, told the abortion workers to go back inside. He left, they went back inside, & we continued to pray & sing. So the abortion workers brought a radio outside & started to BLAST their music to drown us out. They also continued to come in & out of the gate to push past us, bump us out of the way & make rude comments, but it didn't deter us.

As the day went on many of the sidewalk counselors had to leave, but I stayed til God gave me the peace to go. The president of Pro-Life MS, Dayna, stayed as well. She looked at me at one point & said, "You're glowing! You're smiling SO big!" I hadn't even noticed, but she was right, I couldn't stop smiling!!! I had fought a battle that day & even though the clinic got to stay open, even though they yelled at us & were just downright rude & hateful, I feel like God won! He did a lot in me that day! My pastor had just preached a sermon the night before about Peter. How before Christ died he continued to say he would NEVER deny Christ even if it meant death, but then just as Christ said, Peter denied Jesus three times. But after His resurrection Peter changed. He became more bold in his walk, in the power of the Holy Spirit he had in him, even through persecution, Peter never stopped preaching Jesus's Truth, even to his death Peter remained faithful. I learned this day I had an unspeakable joy, an everlasting peace that no one could EVER take away from me. I learned this day firsthand that no matter what, as long as I'm preaching Jesus & doing as God leads me I have nothing to fear. 

I am prepared to fight this battle & any battle God's puts before me until I die, even if it costs me my life. I have an amazing supportive husband & the best prayer warriors I know! I could feel their prayers so thick around me this day, I could see the angels encamped around me. And so I smiled & apparently I glowed.