2012 Year End Review

I'm usually pretty good about doing before the year is over, but with the year 2012 was I'm sure you understand!

January began a very busy year for me! I was able to scratch off the #2 thing on my bucket list by marching in the March for LIFE & sharing my testimony in front of a massive crowd outside the National Supreme Court with the group Silent No More. I've yet to openly talk about that trip, but I'm going back this year so maybe I'll do it then! Some of the highlights were meeting prolife heroes Alveda King, Mike Huckabee, Rebecca Kiessling, Kelly Clinger, Georgette Forney, Julia Holcomb, & Father Frank Pavone.
 

In February I became a certified to lead the post abortive Bible Study Surrendering the Secret & had a great chance to meet the Author Pat Layton & many other post abortive women & men. I was also asked to speak at the Spring Kick-Off of the 40 Days for LIFE Campaign in Jackson. I also began do a lot of press conferences for personhood & prolife groups. It was insanely busy, but God kept opening doors & I made a promise to Him that I would boldly step through any door He opened before me! That my friends is NOT always easy or fun! But each time we choose to follow Him & get out of our comfort zone we grow so much stronger in Him! It's definitely worth it!

March was definitely more restful & I just got to enjoy being wife & momma! My sweet Brady turned 7 & continued to lose more teeth! One random moment in March I was able to meet Newt Gingrich who made a stop in MS while in the running for the Republican bid for President. I must say he was very funny & I think he has good ideas that could help America, though I was personally hoping Santorum would win. I was asked to share my testimony at the ProLife Mississippi Spring banquet. It was quite an honor! I had attend a few times before anyone knew about my abortion & I remember thinking during those times if I would ever be able to open up & share my story. No matter how many times I tell it, it's always hard. I know though God has a purpose each time to show others His redemptive healing, His love, & His mercy. I am nothing more than a willing vessel.

April brought another amazing opportunity my way. I traveled to Dallas with a group of post abortive women to attend the Esther Call hosted by Lou Engle. It was time devoted to prayer & fasting to end abortion. Roe v Wade began in Dallas, TX so the mass of those who were there (mostly post abortive women) prayed in front of the Dallas Courthouse where the first papers were filed to legalize abortion. We prayed for specific groups of people his hard by abortion-African Americans, Hispanics, we prayed for an adoption movement to sweep through the Church, we prayed for an end to sex trafficking & so forth. Plus we worshiped God a lot! It was an incredible time & His presence was so thick! While I was there I met & befriended actress Shari Rigby of October Baby. But the most personal healing part of this trip were these shoes. A group has thousands of baby shoes for post abortive men & women to pick out for the child or children they aborted, something we gave up when we chose to abort. They have you write a note to your child & they travel all across America displaying the shoes to give a visual reminder of how many children have been killed & how many women & men have been hurt by abortion. I cannot even begin to tell you how much picking out those shoes & writing that note meant to me! The tears shed over those tiny shoes gave me so much more healing than I could've ever imagined!

In May we took a much needed break from homeschooling, but it was overshadowed by sharing sick germs! Thankfully we got over it in time to celebrate Rylan's 4th birthday!! This month I wrapped my first session of Surrendering the Secret at my church where I got to witness two more women move into freedom from their past abortions. One of those ladies is now helping to lead the class! I'm telling you God never ceases to amaze me with His power to heal! 

In June My family participated in the first annual Walk 4 LIFE in Jackson. It means SO much to me to have a husband that supports me & stands with me! Being open about abortion & fighting it is hard emotionally, spiritually, & mentally! My precious husband is always by my side, has my back & defends my honor when people say ugly things about me. He's a prince! And I must mention that having my sweet blessings with me thrills my heart! They are definitely warriors in training!

July was pretty rough starting out. That day at the abortion clinic will go down as one of the hardest spiritual battles I've EVER fought. You'll have to go back & read about it! This month was also a time of joy when my niece Britany got engaged. I wish her & her future hubby tons of happiness! The boys & I got right back into homeschooling because let's face it, the heat in MS is unbearable! We didn't want to be outside! So back to school we went!

August brought a lot of fun & more spiritual growth! I was able to get away with a big group of ladies from my church & spend the weekend in Knoxville, TN & attend a Beth Moore conference! I would LOVE to sit & just learn from that lady! She is very wise & studies the Bible with incredible passion & diligence! The conference was amazing, but on the ride home the Lord showed out! I can't even begin to described what happened, but to anyone who thinks the gifts of the Spirit no longer exist are completely missing out! The following weekend my dear Mr & I attended Kirk Cameron's A Love Worth Fighting For. I HIGHLY recommend this for EVERY married couple!

We took a time out in September & went on vacation in Gulf Shores, AL. It was so nice to get away & just enjoy being with our little family. Some friends went along with us & while we were in AL we were able to visit some old friends as well & sight see & simply just take our time & slow down! Which I didn't realize how much I even needed at that point! By October I was fighting a spiritual battle that I didn't even notice at the time. I had become so overwhelmed with anxiety about the future, should I continue in the prolife/personhood battle, should I just step back from all ministry for a while, I tell you I was overwhelmed and greatly burdened. But the Lord reminded me that even though He has called me into this ministry the burden of it was never suppose to overwhelm me, because His burdened is light. I had picked up more than my share & I had to lay it down at His feet. 

By the end of the month we got a lil surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test! A year ago when Brad & I were praying about having more kids, God clearly told us October 2012. But because of so many things going on that month we didn't even try. In fact, Brad was very sick during my fertile days so there was no sharing of love if you catch my drift :) After visiting a friend who convinced to just take a test to see, after God said October, I took one. Though my point in taking it was to prove I wasn't pregnant, but low & behold I was! What a way to end that month!!!

November needless to say started out great! We celebrated Keller's 2nd birthday though very few knew at the time I was endanger of miscarrying. I had began bleeding & the baby's heartbeat was very low. Thankfully the Lord has given me some amazing friends who were praying hard us & we all believed everything would be fine because...GOD SAID OCTOBER! And of course all was well! Baby's heart rate went up & morning sickness hit right before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately hypermemsis rared it's ugly head & was horribly sick for a long time. If it wasn't for my amazing kids, a fabulous husband & incredible friends I would have gone insane! After much prayer the Lord answered once again & it got much better & was able to fully enjoy Christmas & we even made a trip to TX to visit family. 2012 was a roller coaster, fast, powerful, full of loops, twists & turns, but by the end I was right where God wanted me & I can't wait to see what all 2013 brings!

My Esther Moment

"...And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14b

One year ago I had an enormously defining moment in my life. October 31, 2011 started out like any other day...I got up I fed my kids, we did our homeschool, I prepared things for a get-together we had that night, all was pretty normal. Around noon I received a phone call from the Yes on 26 Personhood Campaign asking if I could come to a press conference at the state Capitol. I would not be speaking, but they wanted me there for possible interviews afterward.

Only when I hung up the phone God told me I would be speaking...& the butterflies began to swirl!

You see, it had only been about four days since I had completely opened up to all my family about my rape & past abortion. For years I kept that a tight closed secret from them and many others, but in the summer of 2009 through a post-abortive Bible study called Surrendering the Secret, the Lord COMPLETELY healed me of the shame, guilt, fear, & worthlessness I carried because of my abortion. He had told me way back in my darkest of times when all I wanted to do was give up & even attempted suicide, that He was going to use me & my story all over. It would be His & He would use it to help others. I never understood what God was telling me until last year.

Last fall the buzz was thick all around Mississippi about the upcoming Personhood Amendment on the ballot. I knew I needed to come out with my story, but because my family & my husband's family didn't know about my rape & abortion I was scared. My church already knew because I had been able to share my testimony a couple times, but having it out in the open was still nerve racking. I felt no shame, but I knew our families might, they could be angry, & completely shut me out. My mom was the only family who knew at the time, I had opened up to her about 2 years after I did it, but she begged me never to tell anyone, that it would just hurt others to know. So I carried it with me for 13 years only sharing with specific people.

However, on Thursday, October 27, 2011 the Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to me to let it all go & write it on my blog. As soon as I was done I sat down feeling free, amazed at how just typing it for whomever to read lifted a burden off of me & I couldn't stop smiling. Then as I was relishing it all I saw a commercial by those opposed to personhood with a woman talking about how we should vote NO because she was raped & alluded that she conceived & abortion was the best thing for her. I could hear Satan laughing at me, mocking me. So I looked up the number & called the YES on 26 Campaign & told them I would speak out & share my story too. Turns out that lady NEVER conceived by rape & NEVER had an abortion! ALL lies to deceive people into voting NO.

The next day I was interviewed by local news & my husband & I shared the truth with our families. I think hearing my dad's heartbreak was the absolute hardest. But he needed to know the truth like everyone else. I was raped, I conceived, & I had an abortion & DEEPLY regretted it! Rape is NO excuse for abortion! People everywhere use the exceptions clause to justify abortion & it made me want to puke every time I heard it because none of them seemed to understand that the abortion left me more scarred than the rape.

So on Monday, October 31, I got to the Capitol, the press conference went great with all of the speakers, then the media & crowd was able to ask questions. They were hounding hard & a precious retired OBGYN that used to perform abortions before coming to Christ got up to answer some medical questions. Then an angry mob of people screamed out, "What about cases of rape? Shouldn't a woman be able to have an abortion if she has been raped?"

Dr. McMillan was trying her best to answer this question, but not having gone through it she was struggling. I was standing to the side jerking wanting so bad to go up there, but completely terrified at the same time, when very clearly like a peaceful thunder I heard God say, "MOVE!"

And this is what happened.

I'm still in awe of what the Lord did that day! What all He's done & allowed me to do this last year. Personhood is far from over, just as God Almighty is far from over in working in me! Praise His Holy Name!!

Being Indifferent Isn't Being Pro-life

Since I've completely opened up about my abortion in October I have felt drained about abortion all together. This is such a hard battle to fight & it's not easy once you get the epiphany that too many people really don't care. The more I dig in to educate myself about the world of abortion, Planned Parenthood, sidewalk counseling, CPCs, personhood, & all things pro-life related, the more I've found that there are FAR too many people doing nothing about it. Many are Christians. This makes my heart literally hurt!
I would guess about 99% of Christians would deem themselves pro-life, but very few even do anything to help the cause. So in my opinion that's not being pro-life, it's just being indifferent.

Scripture easily teaches us that we are human, people even in the womb, we were created in the image of Almighty God, & for whatever reasons the majority of Christians aren't even voting pro-life. Not only with the Personhood Amendments, but by voting for men & women who in turn pass pro-abortion/anti-life bills & laws.

I've also heard the excuse, "Well I'm pro-life, but it's not my place to tell a woman what she should do." That has to be one the most absurd comments I've heard! If you saw a woman about to run over her child would you not do whatever it took to stop her, to save the child??? Then the line I hear when I ask people to go pray at the abortion clinic, "I'll pray about it." And yet I NEVER hear back from them! Once again I ask, if you saw a woman about to run over her child would you have to stop & pray & ask God if you should try to stop her??? I think not. So why aren't there droves of Christians praying at the clinics?

Because we are lazy & we just don't care. We have let society & culture train us up to be as self centered as possible & think that donating money to this cause or that cause somehow makes us good stewards. In actuality we should be training ourselves up in Christ to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, & strength that we will DO whatever it takes to defend His Word. The second greatest commandment given by Christ was to love others, but how are we showing that? Love isn't a word you can just say & it makes everything OK, it's something you live out. Christ lived out His love by dying for OUR sins & yet we come up with EVERY excuse known to man to not DO anything for Him that might makes us a little uncomfortable!

Harsh? Yes. Blunt? You betcha. Truth? ABSOLUTELY!!!

I'm angry! We (the Church) have let the world poison our minds so much that we have somehow misinterpreted what Scripture teaches us! Jesus said in Matthew25, that WHATEVER we do to the least of these, we do to Him, & whatever we DON'T do for the least of these, we did not do for Him. I'm pretty certain a defenseless unborn child is about as "least of these" as you can get. So why is such little being done to help them?

We can't blame the government! We elect them! We must seek the Lord with ALL of our hearts, fall on our knees & humble ourselves before God & cry out for mercy for our nation! We've got to support our local pregnancy centers whether it's financial, volunteering, or donating a pack of diapers to them once a month. We've got to get our churches to takes groups at the very least once a month to pray at an abortion clinic! You don't have to talk to anyone going in unless the Lord prompts you to. Sometimes just the presence of others praying says enough. Prayer + Faith = POWER!!!

Our churches & pastors need to understand the importance of preaching pro-life messages, having post-abortive Bible studies for women & men, loving on teen moms, single moms, divorced, widowed, or just unwed. We've got to get past judging & simply start loving.

The Church cannot be indifferent when it comes to being pro-life, we HAVE to actually BE pro-life! I'm not angry or upset about this because I've had an abortion, it's because I realized that I was indifferent for far too long, I bought into the lies along with many other Christians. We are to be like Christ, loving others, defending His Word, helping, sharing, spreading the Good News. Past generations of Christians remained silent for so long that it got us in the predicament we find ourselves in today.

Slowly & surely we are losing our rights & freedoms. Church we must rise up, take our place on the battle lines & FIGHT!

Will you fight? If you don't what will you say to Christ the day you see Him face to face? What's more scary is what He might say to you about being so indifferent!

I would like to apologize for the rant, the soap-box, my 2 cents, but I can't. I'm not sorry I wrote an angry blog. Jesus got angry in His time for the evil that was going on, the indifferent self-righteous Sadducees & Pharisees & He made no apologies for it. We are to be angry & sin not. We are to speak truth in love & my love for others, for the child I aborted, the world I'm trying to change for my children & future generations, my love for Christ & the Bible is why I'm angry.

Nope, I'm not indifferent anymore!

Blessings to you all & may we all take our stands.