Peace in the midst of Pain: my miscarriage story

I was absolutely elated when I realized I was pregnant in December 2014 & bought 3 different kinds of pregnancy tests to be certain before I told Brad! He was surprised & possibly more excited than I was. We waited til after the boys opened their Christmas gifts to tell them & like us they were overjoyed! 

The week before my first dr's appointment I had a sinking feeling something was wrong. I asked my close friends & prayer warriors to pray because the feeling was deep & I knew it was God preparing me for the news. Just as I had known, the sonogram showed an empty sac...no baby, no yolk sac...empty.

I was only 6 weeks & was told to do a blood test & to come back in two weeks for another sonogram because there was still a chance a baby was there, but too small to see. I wanted so badly to believe this was true & I scoured the Internet & found oodles of stories with happy endings for other women in the same situation. So I hoped, I had faith, & I believed anything was possible with God!

Four days later I began cramping & having back pain & I knew something was wrong so I went back to the dr & my new blood test showed my progesterone was low & I began taking pills to help me not miscarry. My pastor & many prayer warriors were praying life over my womb & during the wait for our next sonogram I was completely covered in peace. The Lord gave me wonderful Scriptures to soothe my worry every time I opened my Bible. 

I didn't just want a miracle for myself, but for others. So many struggle with their faith & desire to see a miracle & I wanted to see a baby on that sonogram for them to see a miracle & know without any doubt our God still performs miracles!

The Lord kept repeating this verse to me, at first I thought it was because we didn't see a baby & He wanted me to believe a child was there, but as the days went on I knew it was because there was something else I wasn't seeing. I knew deep down I was once again pregnant without a child. We experienced this before & didn't find out til I was 13 weeks & I had to have a D&C. Everyone kept telling me it would be different, I had to believe, have more faith, but I knew the Lord was teaching me something & I also prayed & I truly had faith that if He wanted me to have a child in my womb He would & He could...that wasn't my story though.

My next appointment showed no baby, just an empty sac, & my blood work indicated exactly what we saw. Once again, pregnant without a baby. 

The cool thing about God is that He uses our sorrow to help others, to grow us, to do things bigger than we can imagine. Because He called me to be public about what was going on three other women confided they were going through miscarriages as well. One actually had a blighted ovum just like me...no baby. Others messaged me, thanking me for being open & honest because it was helping them deal with their feelings or helping them come to terms with a miscarriage they had in the past, & knowing I was helping other women helped me!

At first I thought that not losing the life of a child would keep me from falling apart. I left the dr's office full of peace! I was bummed, but not heartbroken. My prayers then became focused on not having to have another D&C & hoping I would miscarry the sac on my own. 

Things were fine at first, I was ready to move forward & on with my life, but then God told me I had been trying to control my life & I wasn't letting Him be the pilot. I was so convicted & repented & knew He was right! I was heartbroken that I had let Him down & though I had confessed, I was in such a funk, beating myself up. Then a precious friend brought me my favorite flowers (not knowing they were my favorite) & she & I had such an uplifting conversation! As she left I checked the mail & another sweet friend had sent me the PERFECT card!!

The Lord reminded me that He knew all along what I was going to go through. He knew I would disobey, He knew I would be hurting, & He used these two women to be His hands & feet & to remind me that He loves me! His mercy & grace NEVER ends! That He had plans far beyond what I could dream or hope! I just had to trust & walk by faith!

A few days later I began spotting & the miscarriage process began.

(Graphic details below)

My dr told me it would be painful, but I had no idea the extent of it! My cramping intensified so I took a pain pill that was prescribed & my husband took our kids to a Super Bowl party so I could be alone & rest...but there was NO rest! Even with the pain pill my pain was an 8 on a scale of 1-10, clots were passing, big & small, & tons & tons of blood!! Then my pain soared to a 12! Off the charts! I was crying & begging, pleading with God to help me!! 

I called my friend who is a nurse & she told me to take another pain pill & to call her back if it got worse. By the next morning the pain was down, the blood & clots weren't so extreme, but my emotions were. 

Even though a child's life wasn't lost, my hopes & dreams of adding a precious blessing to our family was. I was angry at myself for being so sad. I just wanted to go forward, but I was in limbo. Even with the sadness & anger mixed in, the peace of Christ covered me! I could feel His presence with me, working within me, drawing me close to His side. In the midst of the pain, there was PEACE! An unexplainable, comforting Peace that let me cry & yell when I needed to.

Then a package of baby leggings I had ordered in hopes we would have another girl arrived & I couldn't take them out of my car. Every time I thought about bringing them inside my house I got teary eyed & just left them sitting there.

My next dr appointment showed my uterus lining was still thick & parts of the sac were still there. I was also still testing positive for pregnancy & if my body didn't finish the miscarriage I would still have to have the D&C. I left crying. My body was holding on to what was left of the pregnancy like I was holding on to the hope of another child.

What if this was my last pregnancy? What if life would never grow in my womb again? Was I ready to be done having babies? Was that season over?

All those questions ran through my head & instead of being overwhelmed by them, the Peace remained. 

With all of my inner turmoil going on I was speaking at a purity conference for teens & planning a baby shower. I had been doing ok & thought I was over the emotional part. Then I went to Babies R Us to buy shower gifts & hit me again...& I cried again...& again...I was stunned by my reaction! I didn't expect to feel the loss of not having a baby to hit me so hard.

That night I checked Facebook & a sweet friend tagged me in this picture, not knowing what I was going through at that very moment. 

I wept! The moment I saw it I knew it was from God! He reminded me that He sees me. He sees my hurt, He sees the tears, He sees my love for my friend & her baby & He is El Roi! 

The day of her baby shower I went to my car & grabbed the baby leggings & gave them to her. I knew I could let them go & have faith that someday I would get a chance to use them, but for now I just had to let go. And I cried! Like bawled. But it was healing! Beautifully healing & full of Peace...

Today I finally got the results I had been waiting for...blood work is normal. I'm not pregnant. The miscarriage is physically over & now I let the Lord continue to heal me spiritually & emotionally.

I don't know how people live their lives without Christ! Without the power of the Holy Spirit working in them, comforting them, talking to God, digging in His Word, & knowing beyond a shadow of doubt no matter what's going on...He's there & He is PEACE!

Blessings! 

Weight Loss Goal #1

Today I hopped on the scale & saw a number I haven't seen in a while! I now weigh the same as when I got pregnant with Keller!!!

About another 10 lbs & I'll be at my pre-pregnancy Chapel weight, another 10 to pre-Rylan, & then another 10 for pre-Brady!!!

You might be wondering why I need to lose Chapel's weight after Keller's when he is older than her...

After Rylan was born I was able to be a stay at home mom & not having a schedule to tell me when I could eat like I had as a school teacher, I began eating sporadically & not healthy. My idea of health was pre-packaged "diet" foods. Of course they didn't fill me up so I would binge a lot at night. During this time I felt very stressed to be the mom who had it all together like the other stay at home moms I knew & I ate my stress along with my feelings of inadequacy.

By the time I got pregnant with Keller I was 20 lbs heavier than when I got pregnant with Rylan & 40 lbs heavier than I was when I got married. With the various things life has brought me like homeschooling, ministry, etc etc, fitness & health were on the back burner, yet always on my mind. Thoughts of not being able to succeed made me feel guilty & kept me in the cycle of bingeing. 

10 weeks after I had Keller I began Couch 2 5K & ran my 1st race. I lost some weight running, but then we had to move out of house for 6 weeks while it was repaired of foundation issues. We ended up living in a small bedroom at a friend's house & eating out a lot. Shortly after this, a best friend completely shut me out of her life & it broke my heart. Like always, food was there to comfort me.

Years later when God revealed I'd be pregnant in October 2012 I tried to start getting healthy & lose weight, but it's seriously a hard battle for me! Food addiction is triggered by almost anything. That year I was able to lose around 15 lbs before I got pregnant with Chapel. 

Now that's my next goal...

 I have an amazing support system with this battle in my husband & my friend Emily! I track my food & exercise on my phone, & my Fitbit helps push me to be more active. Over the last couple years I've learned what healthy food is & it doesn't come in the freezer section at the grocery store in the form of a prepackaged meal!! Slowly yet surely it's coming together.

Hopefully in the next month or 2 I'll be at my pre-Chapel weight! 

Blessings friends!! Be healthy & give me some encouragement!! ;P

Brady's Beginnings

I didn't have a blog when my oldest was a baby, so in honor of our Brady-man turning 9 on Sunday I'll be sharing all about our lil Boudreaux this week!

Three months after Brad & I were married we had the bright idea to start a family. We then immediately decided we should wait at least a year, but low & behold it was too late! I found out I was expecting Brady July 21, 2004.

 My stepdad had recently passed away & I was in TX staying with my mom. I mentioned to my sister Mignon I was a day late, but assumed it was the stress of losing Richard. Mignon insisted I was pregnant & bought me a $1 pregnancy test from the Dollar General. You know the kind where you have to pee in cup & use a dropper to transfer it to the actual test!? It felt like doing a science experiment & I was sure I wasn't pregnant because after all, we had only "tried" one time then decided we needed to wait until after our one year anniversary. 

Well I was wrong & knew it when that 2nd faint line showed up! It didn't seem real! And Brad was all the way back in MS! I immediately called him & told him our good news! He too, was just as shocked as I was! 

Everything seemed fine & normal until my 7th week when I began viciously vomiting! To make matters worse I had just started teaching my 1st year of school & every smell of those sweet 4th graders made me puke! I ended up losing 27lbs that 1st trimester! But I gained it ALL back plus an extra 50! 

By my 12th week I was able to eat...& eat...& eat & eat & eat!! Food had NEVER tasted soooooo gooooood!!!! And my belly just kept on growing! This is when I found out how mean some women can be! I was saddened at how many women felt the need to tell me how HUGE I was! That's exactly what a woman wants to hear when she's pregnant :/

Nonetheless I was happy & loving the feel of Brady move around in my womb! This helped me heal a lot from my abortion & couldn't stop thanking God for giving me a 2nd chance to be a momma! I had no doubt I would never take this gift for granted!

My 2nd trimester was going great & I was already in nesting mode! One day I was scrubbing our kitchen floor, got up too quick & slipped with a hard landing! We decided to be cautious & went to the hospital to make sure Brady was ok. She put the monitors on & left me, but then the nurse checked the results & quickly left. She cane back in questioning me about being only 24 weeks. I assured that I was, she checked my charts & I was...but she looked puzzled. She then asked me if I was taking anything other than my prenatal vitamin & I told her I was also taking Omegaplex by Advocare. She jotted that down & bolted out the door! Brad & I were a bit scared. We were told it was safe to take omegas while I was pregnant. At this point in time they weren't part of prenatals. The nurse finally came back in with the on-call dr who told us Brady was great! His brain results were advanced for a 24 week gestational baby, that he was on level with that of a 28 week gestational baby! The dr asked if she could send Brady's results to a study that was being done on taking omegas during pregnancy & sure enough not long afterwards they were a part of ALL prenatal vitamins! 

The 2nd trimester continued to go well, but my 3rd was very troublesome! I kept swelling up even though my blood pressure was fine. I started to not sleep well because I couldn't breathe or get comfortable. My favorite part was feeling Brady have the hiccups inside me! My belly would jiggle with each one! My least favorite part was the unending acid reflux! It felt like fire racing up & down my esophagus! Anytime Brady would get to moving too vigorously at night I would sing Jesus Loves Me & he immediately calmed down. It worked after he was born too! Another thing Brady liked to listen to while in the wombvwas hip hop or anything with a good beat! I swear he kicked to the rhythm! 

By week 32 I was MISERABLE! At work one day I was walking down the hall after taking my students to their elective & started seeing spots & couldn't breathe! I was terrified I was going to pass out! I could see the outline of a young boy & I remember telling him to get his teacher...the next thing I knew I was sitting on a bench with a huge fan blowing air on me, wet paper towels on my head & neck & many teachers were gathered around me praying. As I looked up, however, I saw my two principals shaking their heads, arms crossed, whispering to one another & looking at me with disgust as if me passing out offended them!! (More on these two later).

Brad quickly came & took me to the hospital & sure enough I was in early labor! They gave me lots of meds to make the labor stop & some to help me rest. I was diagnosed with toxemia/preeclampsia.  I was put on mandatory bed rest. If I walked down the hall in our apartment to the kitchen, my contractions would start back up. I basically could only get up to go to the bathroom & to my dr. I had to have Brad leave food on my night stand & a big cup of water...not that I felt like eating anymore. 

I was really bummed about having my baby showers canceled, but the lovely ladies from our old church brought a baby shower to me! My sweet sister in law Elizabeth also finished decorating Brady's room. It was a fun night!

At my check up at 34 weeks Brady was measuring over 7 lbs! My dr suggested I get an amniocentesis to be sure Brady's lungs were developed so she could induce me at 36 weeks. I told her no because I was frightened! She told me she would not induce me without one & if I went full-term Brady could weigh 12 lbs at the rate he was growing! So I chose to have one. As soon as I walked into the room the nurse said, "Why haven't you been following your diet!!!??" She was really rude about it! I asked her what diet she was talking about & she said my gestational diabetes diet. I passed my test & was told I was fine, but the nurse was right, the amino showed my sugars were sky high & I did in fact have a late onset gestational diabetes!

When the amino began I was crying & scared out of my mind. Brady had put his elbow up as if to block the needle. The nurse told me I needed to talk to him to help him calm down & move so they could finish. As soon as I started rubbing the side of my belly & talking to him, he put his arm down & they finished. The results showed his lungs were fully formed & we scheduled his birthday to be March 16, 2005. 

To be continued...

2012 Year End Review

I'm usually pretty good about doing before the year is over, but with the year 2012 was I'm sure you understand!

January began a very busy year for me! I was able to scratch off the #2 thing on my bucket list by marching in the March for LIFE & sharing my testimony in front of a massive crowd outside the National Supreme Court with the group Silent No More. I've yet to openly talk about that trip, but I'm going back this year so maybe I'll do it then! Some of the highlights were meeting prolife heroes Alveda King, Mike Huckabee, Rebecca Kiessling, Kelly Clinger, Georgette Forney, Julia Holcomb, & Father Frank Pavone.
 

In February I became a certified to lead the post abortive Bible Study Surrendering the Secret & had a great chance to meet the Author Pat Layton & many other post abortive women & men. I was also asked to speak at the Spring Kick-Off of the 40 Days for LIFE Campaign in Jackson. I also began do a lot of press conferences for personhood & prolife groups. It was insanely busy, but God kept opening doors & I made a promise to Him that I would boldly step through any door He opened before me! That my friends is NOT always easy or fun! But each time we choose to follow Him & get out of our comfort zone we grow so much stronger in Him! It's definitely worth it!

March was definitely more restful & I just got to enjoy being wife & momma! My sweet Brady turned 7 & continued to lose more teeth! One random moment in March I was able to meet Newt Gingrich who made a stop in MS while in the running for the Republican bid for President. I must say he was very funny & I think he has good ideas that could help America, though I was personally hoping Santorum would win. I was asked to share my testimony at the ProLife Mississippi Spring banquet. It was quite an honor! I had attend a few times before anyone knew about my abortion & I remember thinking during those times if I would ever be able to open up & share my story. No matter how many times I tell it, it's always hard. I know though God has a purpose each time to show others His redemptive healing, His love, & His mercy. I am nothing more than a willing vessel.

April brought another amazing opportunity my way. I traveled to Dallas with a group of post abortive women to attend the Esther Call hosted by Lou Engle. It was time devoted to prayer & fasting to end abortion. Roe v Wade began in Dallas, TX so the mass of those who were there (mostly post abortive women) prayed in front of the Dallas Courthouse where the first papers were filed to legalize abortion. We prayed for specific groups of people his hard by abortion-African Americans, Hispanics, we prayed for an adoption movement to sweep through the Church, we prayed for an end to sex trafficking & so forth. Plus we worshiped God a lot! It was an incredible time & His presence was so thick! While I was there I met & befriended actress Shari Rigby of October Baby. But the most personal healing part of this trip were these shoes. A group has thousands of baby shoes for post abortive men & women to pick out for the child or children they aborted, something we gave up when we chose to abort. They have you write a note to your child & they travel all across America displaying the shoes to give a visual reminder of how many children have been killed & how many women & men have been hurt by abortion. I cannot even begin to tell you how much picking out those shoes & writing that note meant to me! The tears shed over those tiny shoes gave me so much more healing than I could've ever imagined!

In May we took a much needed break from homeschooling, but it was overshadowed by sharing sick germs! Thankfully we got over it in time to celebrate Rylan's 4th birthday!! This month I wrapped my first session of Surrendering the Secret at my church where I got to witness two more women move into freedom from their past abortions. One of those ladies is now helping to lead the class! I'm telling you God never ceases to amaze me with His power to heal! 

In June My family participated in the first annual Walk 4 LIFE in Jackson. It means SO much to me to have a husband that supports me & stands with me! Being open about abortion & fighting it is hard emotionally, spiritually, & mentally! My precious husband is always by my side, has my back & defends my honor when people say ugly things about me. He's a prince! And I must mention that having my sweet blessings with me thrills my heart! They are definitely warriors in training!

July was pretty rough starting out. That day at the abortion clinic will go down as one of the hardest spiritual battles I've EVER fought. You'll have to go back & read about it! This month was also a time of joy when my niece Britany got engaged. I wish her & her future hubby tons of happiness! The boys & I got right back into homeschooling because let's face it, the heat in MS is unbearable! We didn't want to be outside! So back to school we went!

August brought a lot of fun & more spiritual growth! I was able to get away with a big group of ladies from my church & spend the weekend in Knoxville, TN & attend a Beth Moore conference! I would LOVE to sit & just learn from that lady! She is very wise & studies the Bible with incredible passion & diligence! The conference was amazing, but on the ride home the Lord showed out! I can't even begin to described what happened, but to anyone who thinks the gifts of the Spirit no longer exist are completely missing out! The following weekend my dear Mr & I attended Kirk Cameron's A Love Worth Fighting For. I HIGHLY recommend this for EVERY married couple!

We took a time out in September & went on vacation in Gulf Shores, AL. It was so nice to get away & just enjoy being with our little family. Some friends went along with us & while we were in AL we were able to visit some old friends as well & sight see & simply just take our time & slow down! Which I didn't realize how much I even needed at that point! By October I was fighting a spiritual battle that I didn't even notice at the time. I had become so overwhelmed with anxiety about the future, should I continue in the prolife/personhood battle, should I just step back from all ministry for a while, I tell you I was overwhelmed and greatly burdened. But the Lord reminded me that even though He has called me into this ministry the burden of it was never suppose to overwhelm me, because His burdened is light. I had picked up more than my share & I had to lay it down at His feet. 

By the end of the month we got a lil surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test! A year ago when Brad & I were praying about having more kids, God clearly told us October 2012. But because of so many things going on that month we didn't even try. In fact, Brad was very sick during my fertile days so there was no sharing of love if you catch my drift :) After visiting a friend who convinced to just take a test to see, after God said October, I took one. Though my point in taking it was to prove I wasn't pregnant, but low & behold I was! What a way to end that month!!!

November needless to say started out great! We celebrated Keller's 2nd birthday though very few knew at the time I was endanger of miscarrying. I had began bleeding & the baby's heartbeat was very low. Thankfully the Lord has given me some amazing friends who were praying hard us & we all believed everything would be fine because...GOD SAID OCTOBER! And of course all was well! Baby's heart rate went up & morning sickness hit right before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately hypermemsis rared it's ugly head & was horribly sick for a long time. If it wasn't for my amazing kids, a fabulous husband & incredible friends I would have gone insane! After much prayer the Lord answered once again & it got much better & was able to fully enjoy Christmas & we even made a trip to TX to visit family. 2012 was a roller coaster, fast, powerful, full of loops, twists & turns, but by the end I was right where God wanted me & I can't wait to see what all 2013 brings!

Pregnant Without a Baby

About a month ago the Lord opened a door for me to lead women through a healing journey dealing with miscarriage. I myself have not "technically" had a miscarriage where a baby's life was lost. In November 2006 I took a pregnancy test & found out I was pregnant. My husband & I were overjoyed! I had a blood test & another urine test done at my 1st doctors appointment & both were positive, but it was too early to hear the heartbeat, so we would have to wait til my next appointment at 13 weeks.

This was my 3rd pregnancy (1st was by rape in which I had an abortion, 2nd my son Brady) & my husband & I had already agreed on names & were planning away never for once thinking something wouldn't be right. Two days after Christmas we went in to hear the heartbeat & my doctor was unable to find it with the Doppler. So I went to the sonographer's office to do a vaginal ultrasound, but I soon realized something was wrong. She kept moving it around as my husband, son, & I watched on the TV screen on the wall. I saw something & asked if that was the baby, her response was no, it was my ovary. She continued to look around, "Is that my baby?" I asked again, "No that's the placenta." I began to get a bit worried knowing deep inside something wasn't right.

"Is that my baby?" I asked once more in complete desperation begging her to say yes, but once again she said no. She then left the room with pictures in hand & came back with my doctor. They continued the sonogram & I remember looking at my husband who was holding Brady & looking worried. Then my doctor spoke up & said it seemed as if I had a missed-abortion & there wasn't a baby in my womb. I began weeping uncontrollably at the words "missed-abortion" & thought to myself, I didn't miss my abortion I was there all those years ago, what is she talking about.

Seeing how broken I was she told me to get dressed & meet her in her office. I remember breaking down in the bathroom, unable to dress myself. I felt so guilty. I felt like because I had an abortion before, I had caused my husband this pain, it was all my fault. He came in to console me & I couldn't do anything but cry & apologize. He comforted me & kept reminding me it wasn't my fault.

When we finally made it to the doctor's office she showed me the pics from the ultrasound which showed I had everything a pregnant woman had except a baby. How could this be? How does your body get pregnant without actually having a baby inside? I felt betrayed by my body. With my other 2 pregnancies I experienced horrible nausea, hyperemesis, but this time, though I felt nauseated it wasn't that bad, I didn't throw up as much, but I still had some morning sickness. I hadn't experienced any cramping or bleeding like a miscarriage would cause. My breasts were swollen, my taste buds had changed, I was pregnant, but as it turned out, pregnant without a baby.

My doctor told me the closest medical term was missed-abortion, but she had never heard of anyone staying pregnant 13 weeks without a baby or without any bleeding or indication that there was a baby. We would have to do a D & C to remove the sac & placenta the next day. I was beyond sad. Beyond devastated.

I didn't sleep at all that night. I laid in Brady's toddler bed (he had gone to Brad's mom's) & I wept. I took a bath & wept. I went outside & looked at the stars & I wept some more. I was undone. I felt like I deserved this because of my abortion, but my husband & child did not. I still couldn't wrap my mind around how my body could betray me. No baby yet 3 positive pregnancy tests & normal pregnancy symptoms. My husband awoke & we went for the D & C & thankfully they put me to sleep for it. I came home & slept all day & anytime I woke up I would write in a journal. I kept looking at the space beside me in the bed thinking a baby should be there, but there wasn't one, never was.

The days that followed were rough. The bleeding was excessive & I kept cramping uncontrollably & it was so bad at times I couldn't even stand. I called my doctor to explain what was happening & went back in for an ultrasound. It was clear, everything had been removed & looked fine. But when I got into the elevator I felt something pass & it was now out of me. I ran back straight to her office to her. It turned out to be a piece of the placenta that was missed & never showed up on the ultrasound, but it was causing me to have contractions to remove it. My sweet doctor kept apologizing for missing it, but I watched the ultrasound & nothing was there. I'm not sure how it was missed. I went back home & began to move forward.

When I prayed to God to help me deal with this pain, to help me understand He kept assuring me not grieve a baby, because there wasn't one, but it was ok to grieve the loss of the pregnancy. In time I finally understood this was a gift. I was in denial about my first pregnancy for so long & hated the thought of being pregnant by rape. And though I grieved the baby I aborted, I took for granted the pregnancy itself & never acknowledged it. Through this I was able to let out all those emotions & finally grieve. Pregnancy is a true miracle of God. Doctors can put sperm & egg together in a petri dish, but only God can make it sustain & live in a mother's womb. He alone is the giver of LIFE!

Since then I have had 2 more pregnancies that did produce babies, my precious 4 year old Rylan & my 19 month old Keller. So last night as I was preparing & researching about the various types of miscarriage I came across missed-abortions & read all the descriptions I could find. Then I was overcome with panic. What if there was a baby & my doctor was wrong?! What if I never grieved that baby or honored it?! Did I have another baby in Heaven?! I began frantically searching & reading the Internet searching for a clue to give me closure. As I told my husband why I was so consumed in the computer he said, "Ashley you know that's not true." And it clicked.

Stupid stupid Satan had gotten in to knock me off focusing on a ministry the Lord had called me to begin at my church. Satan was trying to confuse me & distract me so I couldn't complete what God had set before me. I immediately just shut the laptop & told Satan where he could go. I reminded Satan that God had already confirmed years ago that there was no baby, that I only had one child in Heaven & I believed in Him alone!

I'm so thankful for God's confirmations, His promises, His faithfulness!!! I don't have to listen to Satan & all the "what ifs" that come my way. I can rest assured in the truth of Scripture & the hope I have in Jesus Christ.